Signs and Soulmates

Part 2

Clifford and I didn’t speak for almost a month after his “ex” called him crying while he was in the bed with me. I put his number on do not disturb and I went on with my life because I didn’t have time to sit around and wait for him.

During the rebound phase I met a much younger man named Alvin. It was like all of a sudden I was only attracting men with old ass names. Alvin was 19 years old and fresh outta high school. Although Alvin was 15 years younger than me he was handsome and well put together. He was a father of 2 young children, but he had his own place and his own car. His children’s mother left the kids with him and went off to college so once again I lucked up and did not have to deal with baby momma drama. Plus I only wanted Alvin to blow my back out because I had experienced a major drought dealing with Clifford.

One weekend Alvin texted me that he wanted to come pass my house for a few minutes on his way to work. He told me that he would not be able to stay long. When he arrived I was wearing a t-shirt and my hair was wrapped. I let him in and then I sat down on my couch before I could say anything Alvin dropped to his knees and began kissing my thighs slowly. Everything felt orgasmic. Honestly at that point humping my pillow felt orgasmic because it had been so long.

“Take them off” Alvin said, talking about my panties.

“Ugh” I thought to myself as I stood up and removed my panties. Already I knew sleeping with this young boy was not going to be what I was used to. I like a man to eat it through my panties first and just apply pressure on my clit with his tongue through my underwear before he takes them off himself. However Alvin was young so I couldn’t expect much from him.

When he began eating me out all I felt was his teeth. I started pushing his head away. He kept furiously trying to eat my cat. I liked his excitement, but his approach just wasn’t doing it for me. I just didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t want to offend him.

“Why do you keep pushing me? Does it hurt” he asked.

“Yes don’t use your teeth, just your tongue, and don’t suck so hard” I instructed him. Some women like it when I man sucks on her clit like he’s trying to suck a frosty out of Wendy’s cup but I don’t like that. “Ouch”.

Alvin tired again and this time it just felt like he was licking around my vagina just licking. He was trying, but he still wasn’t doing what I needed him to do. He was licking everything but my clit and at that point I just wanted him to leave.

“How does this young man have 2 kids and can’t fuck” I thought to myself. Women just be really accepting anything these days.

“Just kiss it” I told him and I used my fingers to open myself up more. Kiss my clit” He did as he was instructed. Then he just kept kissing it and it began to feel good. He was slurping and moaning to let me know he enjoyed what he was doing. I moved my hips and humped his face to make sure I got everything I needed out of the experience. Just as I was about to cum he stopped and stuck his tongue inside of me. I looked down and watched has he fucked me with his tongue and I grabbed my breast as I reached my climax.

 Once I climaxed he wasn’t finished he came up kissed me and started eating me once again this time using his fingers and occasionally reaching up grabbing my breast. He took turns squeezing my breast and choking me as he pleased my love box with his mouth and fingers. The second time I came my body began to shake. Either I was a good teacher or he had done this before, because damn. I went to return the favor, but he stopped me. He advised me that he had to go to work but he would be back to finish what we started.

I could not believe that I just slept with a 19 year old child and enjoyed every last minute of it, and when it was all over he just left. I went to sleep happy that night and thought to myself “I could get used to this”.

However that night in my dreams I dreamt of Clifford. I dreamed that he and I were together and about to be intimate but we were stopped twice. The first time Clifford stopped just as he was about to enter me and he looked me in the eye. He admitted to me that when we first started talking he was with his ex, but he told me that he only wanted to be with me. He told me he loved me, and then he started to stick the tip in me.

However then we were stopped again because my whole family came inside of my house. In the dream my whole family planned a surprise family reunion at my home and didn’t tell me. Just as Clifford stuck the top in the door opened and there everyone was looking. Every family member was there dead or alive just looking at us like nothing was wrong. After my family showed up they left my bedroom and Clifford and I later joined them outside of my house at the pool.

“Why the hell would yall just show up like this” I said in my dream.

“Watch your mouth” Clifford said to me like I was his child. However I became quiet as my grandmother spoke to Clifford and I.

“Marriage is the joining of two families as one. Marriage isn’t easy, there will be challenges, but the love will get you through. Remember there is no perfect love story” is what my grandmother said.

I didn’t get to respond to my grandmother because my alarm clock went off and it was time for me to get to work. All day at work the dream replayed in my head. It had been so long since I talked to Clifford, and told him I was moving to Canada, but I felt like my dream was advising me to reach back out to Clifford.

I texted him and told him that I dreamt about him, and he took an hour to respond. He only asked what happened. I told him word for word what happened in my dream, and he responded and said “that does sound like something I would say”. Clifford would have told me to watch my mouth if I cussed, especially in front of my elders, but after that text we didn’t talk again. I wasn’t about to keep blowing Clifford’s phone up. I knew that if he actually wanted to talk to me he would reach out to me.

The following weekend my little young boy told me to get dressed and he was coming to get me at 8pm. I got dressed and he took me to my favorite restaurant Fleming’s. I don’t know why I like that place so much but I do, and I didn’t even have to tell Alvin that. He took me out, wined and dined me and then brought me home. Once we got home I went to my room.

Alvin followed me to my room, and we both undressed. This time he started to eat me out and I could feel his teeth again. I pushed his head away from my lady part and told him to let me ride his face. He laid back in my bed and I rode his face until my knees when numb. All I could hear was slurping and gasps for air as I rubbed my clit around his face and mouth. I took his hands and placed them on my chest before I grabbed the headboard and rode his face until my body began to shake and I reached my climax. Once I got off Alvin he pulled his manhood out of his pants.

Disappointed flooded my face and my spirit. This little boy could barely eat pussy and his penis was not even fully grown. His little maybe five or six inches couldn’t do anything for me. There was a slight curve in his dick, but I was not impressed to say the least. My toy was bigger than his whole package and I was not interested in sleeping with him.

“Suck me off” he said. Usually when a man gave orders or talked to me nasty I would get excited, but instead I just sat there with disappointment plastered across my face. I grabbed his dick in my hands and began to jerk him off.

“If I wanted to jerk off I could do that myself” he said touching my head trying to motion for some head. It was just I knew what I wasn’t about to waste my time with that little boy.

“Look you can fuck but that’s about it” I said to him. I said something crazy about me having a tooth ache and I couldn’t have anything in my mouth for too long. Whatever I said worked because he was satisfied with my answer.

“Bend over” he instructed. I bent over and he grabbed a handful of my hair, and before I knew he entered me all I heard was “damn is this what cougar pussy feels like” and then he said “I came”. I was so confused because I didn’t even know he started and he was finished. He was sweating and embarrassed.

“Damn you got some good ass pussy that never happened to before, you’re amazing”.

“I am about to take a shower can you let yourself out” I said. “I can’t believe this little boy came in what in the fuck”. I just didn’t know what to think or how to feel. I wasn’t trying to hurt his little feelings but he wasted my time. That was 1 minute and 2 seconds I could never get back. He had to leave as soon as possible.

Three weeks after the disappointing night with Alvin I was lying in bed on a Sunday. I remember that for a couple weeks my breasts were hurting and extremely sore. I didn’t know why my breast had never felt that way before, and I started to get scared and think about breast cancer. As I was panicking to my surprise Clifford called me via FaceTime.

He told he loved and he was tired of laying up in his bed alone. He wanted to check in on me. I thought it was cute that he called me, maybe he is missing me I thought to myself. I told him about my breast feeling heavy and swollen.

“Are you pregnant” he asked.

“I’m a virgin, remember you refused to give me any” I said sarcastically. After barely 5 minutes of being on the phone Clifford advised me that he had to go because his kids were home. Once we got off the phone I gave in my car and drove 100 mph to the local family dollar and brought every kind of pregnancy test available. I realized that I missed my period for the first time in my whole life. After peeing on 15 sticks it was confirmed that I was pregnant. “Damn that little boy” I thought to myself angry.

I contacted Alvin and let him know I was pregnant. I told him I needed to buy the abortion pill as soon as possible because I wasn’t going to be anybody’s baby momma. I looked up and found a Planned Parenthood in my neighborhood and advised Alvin to bring me the money. He argued and advised me we should go half, and I told him absolutely not.

“Either you pay for the pill now, or you pay child support for 18 year it’s up to you” I texted him. 30 minutes later Alvin pulled up with the cash for the abortion. The following week I took the pills.  3 weeks after I took the pills I took a negative pregnancy test and got my period. I blocked Alvin after I let him know he was off the hook for baby number 3.

One month after the abortion Clifford reached back out to me. I hadn’t contacted him, and I told myself the only way we would talk is if he contacted me.

“Damn what you forgot about me” he texted.

“Of course not my love I can’t forget about you” I texted back. That was actually the truth. I missed Clifford and thought about him daily. I just couldn’t let him play me for a fool.

“I miss you. I really love you Kadejah” he texted. I responded and told him I missed and loved him too. However I really didn’t like the fact that he would go so long without reaching out to me. Anything could have happened to either one of us in the 90 days we hadn’t spoken to each other and he never contacted me. Clifford said he wanted to spend the weekend with me. I advised him I already had plans which was a true.statement I already made plans to help my childhood best friend move into her new home, and I wasn’t going to back out of that for flakey Clifford no matter how much my heart ached for him.

Clifford and I wouldn’t see each other for another 30 days, but when he came back around me I felt that same connection I felt the first time I saw him. I felt safe in his presence and I felt comfortable. However we couldn’t sleep together because I was on my period. Even though I was on my period Clifford stayed with me the whole weekend. He held me as I laid in pain due to my cramps. We ordered sushi and fried chicken and just stayed together like old times.

Clifford However was his old sleepy self. He would ask to watch a movie and then fall asleep before the movie beginning credits started playing.

“Damn I hope he’s not using again” I said to myself. Clifford didn’t bring up his drug use and neither did I. Maybe just maybe I was wrong and he really is just sleepy, I said to myself.

However when he woke up he told me that he love me.

“I love you k” he said.

“I love you too” I replied.

“You don’t sound like you believe it. Tell me you love me for real.

“I really love you” I said passionately.

Clifford told me that the only place he really slept was with me. He said I haven’t slept over 4 hours since we stopped talking. He said he felt comfortable around me and could really sleep and relax. “Ok maybe he really is sleepy this time” I thought.

After spending the weekend together it was like Clifford and I picked up where we left off months earlier. He would leave out before me to go to work, and I would leave out after him. We both would come home together. After a week of being together I was finally feeling ok again and getting used to Clifford being around again.

However Clifford advised me that he was going to a party Friday. He didn’t come home with me.

“I love you K. I love how you take care of me. I want you to be wife. My soul feels calm around you” he texted me.

I didn’t hear from Clifford again for over a week. I was so disappointed because at that point we still never slept together. I knew I had sex, I knew Clifford was having sex but I also knew we were not having sex together. I wanted to sleep with Clifford, but it just never happened for some reason.

I started feeling like maybe Clifford and I were platonic soulmates. That would explain why I felt comfortable around him and why it felt like I knew him for years. I started feeling like I just wasn’t Clifford’s type and he wasn’t sexually attracted to me. That would be the only reason to explain why a man would lay in bed with me every night and never try anything. The obvious truth hurt, but I was just glad that I realized what was going on and I decided not to pursue Clifford anymore.

Two more weeks passed before Clifford reached out to me again via text.

“Hey baby girl, how are you feeling. I haven’t been feeling well” he texted.

I saw his text early in the morning but I didn’t respond. I was done with Clifford being in and out of my life. I knew that if he wasn’t sleeping with me he was sleeping with someone else. A fool Kadejah was not. I knew I would always have love for Clifford, but I wasn’t in love with him any longer.

“I’m well glad you’re feeling better. Did you have COVID-19?” I asked. If he had “Rona” that would explain why he didn’t contact me and that was the only way I would continue to talk to him. Other than that I was moving on to another face to sit on and pony to ride. A girl has her needs and Clifford didn’t fulfill any of my needs. I was starting to feel like I gave so much in that relationship and got nothing back. I liked being around Clifford, but his presence wasn’t enough. I deserved so much more.

“No my allergies just have been acting up” Clifford responded. O hell no this man did not say he didn’t contact me for 2 weeks because of his bad allergies like the world was experiencing a Benadryl shortage. I was done forever.

“You should have been breastfeed” I responded.

I was talking to my cousin and sister who never liked Clifford since the whole rehab incident. I told them that he said we hadn’t talked because he was suffering through allergies.

“Girl he lying he had COVID-19 allergies doesn’t even make sense. He had COVID and wanted to let you know just in case he gave it to you” she said. “I’m going to get to the bottom of this I hate a liar and he keeps lying to you like he thinks you’re as dumb as him”.

“I’m just not going to deal with him anymore. I don’t have COVID and it has been over 2 weeks. I’m just done” I said.

“Well I am not” is all my cousin said.

I was at work Friday when I received over 10 calls back to back from Clifford. I was confused as to when he was calling me because it had been 5 several days since the allergy conversation. Then I received 10 calls from a different number. I texted the unknown number and asked who it was but the number didn’t respond. However I checked my do not disturb text and I say Clifford texted me asking me to call him.

When I called him he told me he was having car trouble and the lights were out in his new house and he needed me to get him an Uber to my house. He said he wanted to spend the weekend with me. I found that strange, and I wasn’t about to let him pop in and out of my life. Plus I already had weekend plans with my new friend. Clifford mister pop in and pop out was not about to cockblock my weekend. I called my cousin to tell her.

“Clifford called and asked me to get him an Uber for the weekend. I feel bad because he said his car is broken and his lights are off, but I’m nobody to leave on the back burner” I said.

“Girl I have been catfishing him since Thursday. He thinks he is going to meet a girl named Tyeisha at a hotel this weekend. He asked me to pick him up from your house when I get off from work at 4:30 am” my cousin said.

“So this asshole really just asked me for an Uber so that he could meet another woman” I said in shock and total disbelief. I couldn’t believe Clifford would treat me so bad. We didn’t have to be together, we didn’t have to sleep together but he should’ve had more respect for me.

“Bet tell him to meet you at the Motel 6 on North Ave. You know the one where all the prostitutes go? Since he wants to be a whore let him sleep with the whores” I said.

So I went out on my date with my little friend and everything was going good until my phone started going off repeatedly around 1:30. It was Clifford calling me nonstop back to back. I didn’t answer the phone because I was out and that would be rude. Plus Clifford let me know how he really felt about me.

Once I got home I realized Clifford had been texting all night angry text messages.

“Very Funny”

“You fat bitch”

“I hate you fat bitch”

“I hate your personality it sucks”

“Bitch”

“U fat piece of shit”

“Answer the phone u fat bitch”

Clifford was sitting at the Motel 6 when he decided to google “Tyeisha’s number” and saw my name. He sent me a screenshot of the white pages and my name associated with the number. The thing was I was not the person catfishing him; it’s just a family plan under my name, but Clifford was mad to say the least. Luckily he was already on do not disturb.

“You’re rude” I responded to let him know I was not fazed by his childish name calling. He was the one sitting in a dirty motel 6 wanting for no one. He shouldn’t have tried to use me. He should have been honest about his feelings from the beginning. 

“You’re fucking crazy take your medicine you crazy bitch he responded”.

“Now you’re rude af mental health is no joke” I responded with a chuckle. He was really mad that he tried to have an unknown woman pick him up from my home. Like that was so disrespectful. Never in my life was I ever disrespected like that.  

“Kadejah I love you I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you out your name. I was wrong I just got upset” he texted.

“Kadejah please just come to the hotel let’s talk” he texted.

“Can we do breakfast and just talk about everything. I just got a three bedroom house I’m trying to get my kids back and I messed up”.

“You will get your kids back. I know you will. Don’t worry about me anymore k” I finally responded.

“I want you to be a part of my story. I’m not worried about any other female. Females try to talk to me everyday and I chose you. I messed up. I’m sorry. Can I just come home with you I don’t want to be here anymore” he texted.

“Clearly you have time for other females Mookie you’re at the Motel 6. Forget about me ok” and that was the last text I sent before I went to sleep.

I blocked Clifford and throughout whatever he left at my house. The next day he began calling me from different numbers. I broke down and answered. Something in me still thought I loved him. Something in me still had love for him. I loved that man. That night he appeared in my dreams again. This time he and I were at an ultrasound appointment.

To be continued…

Please visit my blog JustJournee.com

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