Confessions of a Single Parent

Single Parent Confessions 2020

Jhavier my son’s father and I have a history of domestic violence, and because of that we can’t be around each other, and that makes visitation and custody tricky. My grandmother drops off my son to his father and picks him up. She volunteered to do the pickups and drop offs at the nearest police station to ensure that my son is safe during the exchanges.

August 23 2019 my son’s father texted me at 7:43am advising me that he would be at the police station at 5pm (the court ordered designated time and location for visitation exchanges) to pick up our son. I responded to the text and advised him that my grandmother would be dropping our son off on time, and ended the conversation.

However, to my surprise I received a call from my grandmother at 5:15pm advising me that Jhavier was a no call no show. I was shocked because he just texted me earlier in the day confirming that he would be picking up our son for the weekend.

I texted Jhavier at 5:23pm stating “FYI as discussed my grandmother took Josh to the police station and she is leaving now”. Jhavier responded at 5:33pm stating that he was stuck in traffic and apologized that he did not show up. He stated that he would pick up our son for his next scheduled visit on September 6 2019.

That night I let my son call his father. My son confronted his father because he was hurt that his father didn’t show up.

“Dad GG (my son’s nickname for his great grandma) took me to the police station you didn’t come” said my son.

“Daddy did come Josh. I came I was just running late. You have to wait for daddy you just can’t leave. Always wait for daddy” Jhavier said to our son. Jhavier told our son that he would see him for his next visit on September 6 2019. 

When my son hung up with his father he became enraged.

“I hate GG” my son said.

“Josh stop saying you hate people. You don’t hate your great grandmother. How do you think GG would feel if she heard you said that? GG loves you” I said trying not to appear annoyed.

I could not believe Jhaiver told our 4 year old son never to leave him and to wait at the station. It was almost like Jhaiver did not show up, and instead of taking responsibility he blamed my elderly grandmother. He planted a seed in our son’s head that it was my grandmother’s fault that he didn’t show up when he was supposed to, and that’s damaging.

“I hate GG she left, and my dad didn’t see me” said my son

So then I was forced to have an uncomfortable, but honest conversation with my son. I advised my son that GG did in fact take him to the station to see his father, and she did in fact wait for almost 45 minutes. I set a timer for 45 minutes so that my son could understand how long 45 minutes actually was. I then explained to my son that his father would see him soon, and that his father loved him.

Honestly I was beyond annoyed with Jhavier, because I felt like he didn’t care how his actions affected our son. Jhaiver has proved time and time again that his hatred for me outweighs the love he has for his son. Jhavier hates me so much that he plants seeds of deception in our son’s mind to make my son hate my family and I. He purposely doesn’t show up when he’s supposed to for our son. He uses our son like a pawn in a game of mental warfare.

September 6 2019 my grandmother brought Josh to the police station as discussed. My grandmother was actually bringing my son to the police station every week hoping that Jhavier would show up. However once again Jhavier did not show up. He didn’t call or text saying he wasn’t coming he just didn’t show up. My grandmother brought Josh to the station the following week and like usual Jhavier did not show up.

My son began to act out. I could tell that he was hurt by his father not showing up. Seeing my son hurting hurt me so I reached out to Jhaiver once again. I kept telling myself that maybe one day I could have an adult conversation with Jhaiver, and we could finally put all the drama from our past in the past and move forward and be the best parents for our son.

I reached out to Jhavier 9/20/2019 after my grandmother once again tried to drop my son off to his father and Jhavier was a no show. I thought about it long and hard and texted Jhavier “FYI as discussed my grandmother has been brining Josh to the station and you have not been coming. Please keep in mind you are not hurting me you are hurting your son.”

Jhavier responded “I haven’t been coming because I am confused by the order. I will not be showing up until after we go to court 10/29/2019. Once we go to court and I understand the order I will resume visits” he responded. 

“Jhavier you are not hurting me you are only hurting your son. He has not seen you since the first weekend in August, and before that he hadn’t seen you since April. Court 10/29/19 is for your lack of paying child support not custody. When are you coming to see your son?” I responded.

“I am not coming across town until I understand the court order” he replied. I never responded to Jhaiver’s text.

I wanted to tell him “I am not a 4 year old child you can’t play mental warfare with me. My grandmother a senior citizen took our son to a police station ever week and he you never showed up, paid her for wasted gas or at the very least texted and said you weren’t coming. You could at least call your son once a week. You can see your son. You are choosing to isolate your son and play the victim. However I didn’t say anything and I haven’t spoken to Jhaiver since that day.

More to come….

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