Her Story pt 3

Her Story Pt 3

As you may have guessed I didn’t kill Shawn. I found myself sitting on my side of the bed holding a knife and crying. I couldn’t stab him as hurt as I was I still loved Shawn. He meant the world to me, and I couldn’t see myself without him. However I couldn’t just sweep his betrayal under the rug. I just started fighting him while he slept. After several punches to the back of the head Shawn woke from his slumber and tried to restrain me. He saw the knife and looked at me in disbelief.

“I saw your emails. I thought you loved my daughters. I thought you loved our family. You are scum and I hate you. Get off me! Get out!” I yelled while he was still restraining me. 

“Calm down Sabrina!” he yelled. “Let me explain” he pleaded.

He let me go, and as soon as he did I punched him in the face. I was so infuriated I couldn’t control myself. Blood gushed from his mouth and Shawn just looked at me as said “Don’t hit me again”. I was angry, but I was not stupid I didn’t hit him again. I just cried.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you I love our family, but you know we have issues. I don’t love that girl I love you, and you know that. I’ve been asking you to change and you haven’t” he said.

“Why her” I said tears still flowing down my face like a waterfall. 

“I love you not her. I just love her motivation. She’s a mother like you and every time I’m talking to her she’s either cooking for her family or cleaning. You just lay around all day in bed or you’re nagging” Shawn stoically said.

His excuse for cheating once again and breaking up our family was he couldn’t resist the sound of pots and pans. The sound of a woman in the kitchen turned him on. The sound of the broom in her hand really incited, and he couldn’t resist.  I had never felt so disrespected in my life. I ran out of the room into the bathroom.

“I just cleaned this bathroom and look at this your nasty dirty clothes on the floor” I said as through the dirty clothes at him.

“Follow me to the living room” I said as I ran to the living room.

“Look Shawn’s shoes at the door. Look over here Shawn’s mail spread throughout the room. Shawn’s controllers on the floor where he left them” I said throwing everything that I saw out of place that belonged to him at him.

Then I ran to the kitchen. I previously washed the dishes and of course Shawn had to eat several times after the three plates he ate at dinner and he just left the dirty dishes in the sink. The cereal box was still open and on the counter. I threw every dish at him and the cereal. The nerve of this man.

“All I do is clean up after you and the kids and you never appreciate me. Everything out of order in this house is because of you. You can’t wash a dish or put your shoes away, but I’m the lazy one. Get out” I yelled again. I couldn’t stand the sight of Shawn he made my skin crawl.

Shawn didn’t say anything he just went to the door and started putting his shoes on, and I could see the regret in his eyes. However I didn’t care about his regret I just needed him to get away from me before I gained the strength of Jodi Arias. As he was putting on his shoes Shawn said he would still make sure the rent was paid. Once again throwing into my face that he paid the bills. I became so enraged I snatched his flat screen TV off the wall and threw it at him.

“You are crazy” he yelled at me. I didn’t even look back to see the damaged I just walked away and laid in the bed. 

Three days later I was at the hair salon my best friend worked at helping her with her clients. I decided that I was going to start making my own money again, and I would no longer be solely finically dependent on a man. I caught the eye of the owner of the salon. He began making advances towards me and asking to take me out on a date. He wasn’t that cute, and he was married so I kept declining his invitations. However after almost a month of him pursing me I finally agreed to a date. Once again I was falling victim to my pattern of always needing a man to make me feel whole. I had never really been alone my whole life, and with Shawn out of the house I needed an outlet.

Derrick the owner of the salon took me out to a regular restaurant, but he was so focused on me from the start. He gave me all the attention I could ever need. It was like his soul and my soul were one. One date turned into date night once a week. I loved our time together. I loved the fact that when we were together he never spoke negatively about his wife. He just made it clear that he wanted me and only me.

He didn’t say it but I knew that he loved me more than his wife. He spent all his time with me. The sex was incredible. Like I said it was like our souls connected. He knew my body and my body loved him. My body loved him, and my soul craved him. He didn’t say it but I knew his wife could never satisfy him the way I could. He told me he loved him and I believed him.

After three months of being away from home and our family Shawn begged to come back. He advised me that he missed us, and there was no place that he would rather be than home. I finally broke down and let Shawn come back home. When Shawn came back home he proposed to me, and I said yes. I forgave him, but I didn’t forget the cheating. However I was ready to move on with our lives and become husband and wife. I ended the fling that I was having with Derrick. I told him I was giving him back to his wife and moving on with my life.

Three months after Shawn proposed to me my mother passed away. My mother was my best friend, and I loved her with all my heart. She was the person I went to for advice my backbone. She was my everything my queen. My heart was broken into to so many pieces, and Shawn was there to support me every step of the way. He held me at night while I sat up crying. He made sure I ate, and helped me with the kids.

Three months after my mother passed away I noticed Shawn started acting strange again. One day he took off work and we were supposed to spend the day together. I went out to get my nails done, and called him to let him know I was finished. However he didn’t answer my call. I called him several more times, and he still didn’t answer or return my calls. I took Lyft home, and he was not there. After I was home for 30 minutes Shawn walked through the door with 2 smoothies.

“Where have you been I have been calling you all day” I said.

“I fell asleep because I have been doing so much overtime. Then I woke up and grabbed us some smoothies” he lied and then kissed me on the forehead. I knew he was lying and I felt stupid for accepting his proposal. 

“Get Out this is over” I said to him calmly.

“You’re crazy and if I leave this time I am never coming back. You’re own your own with these bills. I am not about to keep doing this tit for tat” he said. He thought I was joking or he thought I needed him I’m not sure which one. He sat down at the table and started drinking his smoothie. 

I slid the ring off my finger and left it on the table. “Get Out” is all I said and then I left the room. Shawn packed his three pairs of Jordans and his PlayStation and left.

I went back to working full time at the shop. Derrick gave me a booth free of booth rent. Derrick and I picked up our relationship like it never ended. Three weeks after I kicked Shawn out I found out from my son that Shawn was now living with and dating the “Dennys” girl he cheated on me with a few years back. I knew I wasn’t dumb.

Three months after exclusively dating Derrick he asked me to consider joining his marriage. He advised me that he loved me and the wife and wanted us to be together. I agreed because I loved Derrick with all of my heart. 

I didn’t take into consideration that most married men don’t leave their wives. I didn’t take in to consideration that if Derrick loved me as much as I thought he did he would leave his wife. I just thought that I was in love with a man who loved me more than anything. He loved me more than his wife, or so I thought….come back later for part 4.

Please visit my blog JustJournee.com

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