EMDR Therapy

Be brave enough to heal yourself even when it hurts

-Bianca Sparacino

I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and depression by my therapist. I told myself that those were just medical titles that really didn’t describe me. However, after much thought I decided to work with my therapist to help myself heal from my past traumas. I decided that I didn’t want to be anxious or depressed anymore. I want to be the best version of myself possible.

My therapist and I decided to start an intensive form therapy called EMDR to start the healing process. EMDR therapy “is a phased, focused approach to treating traumatic and other symptoms by reconnecting the client in a safe and measured way to the images, self-thoughts, emotions, and body sensations associated with the trauma, and allowing the natural healing powers of the brain to move toward adaptive resolution.” My therapist advised me that we would be creating a timeline of my life starting from my earliest memories to find out how my past traumas have affected me, and to start the healing process.

My therapist also introduced the concept of “parts” to me. She advised me that we all have three parts the exiles, managers, and the distractors. The three parts main goal is to protect your true self. The exiles hold the pain, and shame of the past. The exiles are the vulnerable part that often holds negative beliefs based on painful past experiences.

The managers run daily life, are proactive, and work to contain the exiles by staying in control of events and relationships. The managers protect our inner world. Mangers control every relationship and situation in order to protect us from feeling hurt and rejected. 

The distractors (also known as firefighters) are reactive and will work to put the fire (pain) out when an triggered exile erupts past a manager. The distractors also protect our system, but often to soothe or distract vulnerable parts of our being.

The true self is the center or core of our being. Our divine essence. In other words, our true self is the best version of ourself. It is scary to me to think that at almost 30 I have not become my true self.

Often the exiles hold shame, grief, loss, rage dependency, and loneliness. My exile part holds my depression. I realize that I often feel like I am not good enough, or like I am an outsider. I feel unprotected in the world and in my life. I realized that all those feelings that I hold inside are because of my exiles. On the inside I am a hurt little girl that just wants to love and be loved unconditionally.

The manger part is also known as the warrior or the planner. The mangers are the inner critic and the inner judge. The managers is also the caretaker, controller, striver, and passive pessimist. My manger side is very controlling, extremely critical, and paranoid. My manger part is also a go getter, and goal driven. I am never satisfied with anything in life, and I always feel like I can do better. I noticed this more in college when I would be angry with myself for earning A’s or B’s. I always want to earn a perfect 100 or a A+. While I work, I noticed that I always must be the best. During my last work evaluation my manger ranked me as “exceeds” after my first year of work. Still I left that evaluation wondering how I could improve or be better. Good is not good enough for me I must be perfect. I strive for perfection and sometimes that is a draining way to live.

The distractor part is also known as the firefighter and is reactive. The distractor part is often the part that displays addictive behaviors or dangerous behaviors. For example, obsessive shopping, binge eating, extreme drug or alcohol use, or dangerous sex practices. My distractor side is combative, defensive, vindictive, devious, and non-compromising. I also have a pretty bad shopping habit I’m addicted to buying new shoes. I am also addicted to buying different health products like various vitamins supplements. I am very defensive or quick to react. My distractor part is always in overdrive trying to protect me. I realize that I am noncompromising combative because I don’t want to feel weak. I always want to be in control of my life. I realized that underneath my tuff exterior I am just a girl who is afraid to get hurt.

Although this whole process is a bit scary, I am excited to find my true self. I am excited to drop all my emotional baggage and become the best Janay I can be. I would encourage everyone to go to therapy. I hope that everyone reading this will start their journey to finding their true self.

Below I attached my parts chart. Create one at home to see how your parts play a role in your everyday life.

Reference : https://www.psycom.net/emdr-therapy-anxiety-panic-ptsd-trauma/


Please visit my blog JustJournee.com

56 thoughts on “EMDR Therapy

  1. Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing your story. So many people including myself can relate to this on so many different levels. This is so powerful. More people need to openly talk about mental health and therapy. I tip my hat to you Bravo keep doing what your doing

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I so agree with not letting titles define who you are. I suffered with major depression so I understand

    Like

  3. This is such a great way to express yourself. I am glad it is helping you. I am sure it will do the same for others.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve never heard of EMDR before! Thank you so much for the very informative post, love it! Sharing it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so glad this is helping you. And again, thank you for sharing this. I know it will help those that have been in similar experience. You’re so strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I never heard about EMDR before. I am glad this is helping you. thank you for sharing your thoughts

    Liked by 1 person

  7. In order to get better, you will need to go through hell. But it is all worth it, as the result will be a happier life which you will be able to enjoy to the fullest, without being afraid or pulled back by your past experiences.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so glad you found a way to cope with PTSD. Therapy is truly amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I think sharing your journey is so important, it helps you work through it and may help others as well. Thanks so much for sharing this with all of us!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You are very brave to tell your story on such a large platform. I love the fact you have conviction and are using this diagnosis as a tool to help others. I commend you. I have PTSD and suffer from sporadic depression so I know what it is like. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and sharing your personal testimony as well! Bringing awareness to mental health is so important 💚

      Like

  11. Great article, so powerful. I also have a chronic illness and I know how much difficult is for being so open and sharing your story 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Wishing all the luck on this journey to healing. I just recently heard of EMDR therapy and it definitely sounds intense but I’m sure it is helpful for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. EMDR therapy is very intense but very rewarding. Thank you! 💚

      Like

  13. This is amazing reading, I have to admit I haven’t heard of EMDR therapy before, it is incredible all the different types that are coming out these days. I took myself out of the “system” for around 10 years and needed to go back in and I’m being offered all sorts I had never heard of before.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Neil Alvin Nicerio January 27, 2020 — 10:16 pm

    Thank you for opening this sensitive thing to us. I will pray for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Thank you so much for sharing, I had never heard about this kind of therapy! Sending you a lot of positive vibes! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Thanks for sharing! I’ve heard of EMDR and know a little about it, but I hadn’t read anyone’s personal experience. I hope to hear more on this as you continue your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m so happy to hear that this therapy is really helping you a lot. You are a strong woman for acknowledging that you needed help. I think all of us can relate to you on different levels. Thank you for sharing and being so open about this!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I did a similar exercises to this in one of my group classes at the hospital. It was was very useful. Thanks for sharing this with others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great I love hearing about the positive effects of EDMR! Thank you! 💚

      Like

  19. As a African American man I want to applaud you for sharing your personal story. In our community mental health and therapy is unfortunately still a taboo subject. We are taught to sweep our problems under the rug and keep it pushing. Thank you for using you voice to make a difference in our community. Make mental health awareness normal in every community especially the African American community were so many of us are suffering in silence. You are a true inspiration and you should be proud. Keep using your platform to make a much needed difference Queen!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know far too many in our community who refuse to accept mental illness and seek therapy! Hopefully someone will read this and understand that they are not alone. That’s all I want. I recommend therapy to everyone. Thank you! 💚

      Like

  20. I am familiar with EMDR. It is so cool. I know 4 people that have used it. 3 of them said it was amazing and the 4th refused to participate productively so it didn’t work. And that person quit after the 2nd session.
    So keep going! You will love it and I am sure you will find rest and peace through it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing the positive results of EMDR therapy! It’s unfortunate that the 4th person refused help but people have to heal and seek help on their on time and when they are ready. Hopefully that’s sooner rather than later! 💚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly. We are all in charge of our own healing and nobody else’s. Such a hard thing to watch, but also liberating for you to know the weight isn’t on your shoulders!

        Liked by 1 person

  21. This is great idea, some of my friends have same issue and they as well working on getting better and not staying where they at. I like and admire your determination and would love to share this with them. Thank you for sharing it.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I always had a special admiration for the brain and human psychology. All of us have past hurt that needs to be healed that can affect future relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I love your oppenness and willingness to share. I can relate to you on a certain level and it’s nice to know that we are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I admire your courage to open up about this topic. It can be difficult to let others in on this part of your life. Thank you for working with others to help!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. It’s so great and brave that you’re sharing this, it could help a lot of people! EMDR sounds so promising but not a lot of people know about it. Best of luck on your healing journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. “On the inside I am a hurt little girl that just wants to love and be loved unconditionally.” I think this is the cry of us all. I wish you the best in your journey towards healing ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Loved this! I have quite a bit emotional baggage myself!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. I must say you are so brave than me. Not everyone can let their story out for sure. I can relate some of the incidents of my life. Thanks for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

  29. this is great insight and I love how you broke it down… My son has been diagnosed with PTSD, We are trying art therapy this time to see if this is a better fit for him. I sure hope so! I love him so much and I want him to be healthy and happy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad to hear that you are trying therapy! I will be praying for your son’s healing process! 💚

      Like

  30. I’m glad you’ve taken the steps to find yourself. May you embrace what you find! 🙂 Self-discovery is beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. i just wanna commend you for the bravery. not all knows how to fight the battle. but you are such a brave one! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Good for you on facing this head on. It can’t be an easy thing to do. I wish you lots of luck in this journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. I have recently been reading about EMDR therapy and just covered parts therapy in my training. So interesting and reassuring that everyone has conflicting parts in them at times in their life. However damaging the behaviour may seem, those parts always serve to help you. Great read. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. I recently quit my full-time job in order to find my true self. I am excited to find the best version of me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Best of Luck on your journey! 💚

      Like

  35. My older daughter was hiding her depression to me until I confront her and have start therapy. I can see the changes in her. I will into EMDR therapy. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Best of luck to you and your daughter! I’m sending positive vibes and prayers your way! 💚

      Like

  36. I have never heard about EMDR therapy but it seems that this therapy is good for healing. I would check if there is any centre near my house.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. I have never heard about EMDR therapy but it seems that this therapy is good for healing. I would check if there is any centre near my house.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. I can totally understand you. I also always want to be the best and I push myself to hard even I dont have to. I stressed myself too much plenty of times, but I started taking things easy, because I know that health is much more important than anything else.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Wow.. super cool how open you are talking about emdr and everything to do with it. Seems like a daunting task but long term it’s the way to do it and talk about things that are going on!

    Liked by 1 person

  40. This is a powerful story and thank you for being able to share it with everyone here. Being able to be your best self and striving for the best health for yourself is always key.

    Liked by 1 person

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