Tired Is An Understatement

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice”- Bob Marley

During a court ordered visit my son’s father Jhavier tricked our four-year-old son into showing him where I lived. For four years I tried my hardest never to let my son’s father know where I lived. I ended our relationship when I was three months pregnant and never looked back because of domestic violence reasons. I needed to be safe, and I never I could never truly be safe with Jhavier knowing where I lived. Jhavier made is clear that he could not control himself and he did not care if our son was present for his violent outburst last year when he punched me in the face and tried to hit myself and my son with a car in 2017.

The first call I made after I learned my location was compromised was to the House of Ruth Domestic Violence Center. I spoke with the representative who advised me to contact Jhavier’s probation officer and let her know that Jhavier violated his probation. I called LaSondra Michaels Jhavier’s probation officer April 19th 2019. She advised me to email her all the threatening correspondence between Jhavier and I, and she would forward that information to his judge. As soon as I hung up the phone with Jhavier’s probation officer I forwarded her all the correspondence between Jhaiver and I. I also explained to her how in November 2018 Jhavier called me and advised me that he was suicidal homeless and living in his car. I also explained to her that Jhavier advised me that he had a gun and would kill me before he went back to jail. His probation officer advised me she would follow up with me after she heard from the judge.

April 22th 2019 I followed back up with Jhavier’s probation officer because I did not hear anything from her.  She advised me that she submitted all the evidence to the judge and was waiting to hear back from the judge.  April 24th, April 29th, and May 6th I followed up with his probation officer and received the same response. She advised me each time she was just waiting for the judge to respond. This whole time I could barely sleep and was a nervous wreck. 

Finally, May 6th 2019 Lashondra emailed me to advise me that a VOP warrant was issued for Jhavier’s arrest. She told me would let me know when he was taken into custody. May 13th 2019 I received several calls from Jhavier’s phone. I screenshotted the calls and sent them to his probation officer. She advised me that Jhavier was taken into custody and she would follow up with me to let me know when trial was scheduled. 

June 12th 2019 my birthday I received an email from Jhavier’s probation officer advising me that Jhavier was being held no bail and his trail was set for 06/27/19. I cried when I read the email. I did not and still don’t understand how things got so bad between us. It was obvious that as much as I wanted things to change for the better, they would never. Jhavier’s birthday is at the end of May I’m not sure what the exact day is anymore, but I was sad thinking that he spent his 25th birthday behind bars. I was sad thinking about him being locked up around so many dangerous people.

June 26th 2019 4:48pm the state’s attorney Megan Bell emailed me and advised me she would be the prosecutor for my case. She advised me that she just found out about the case minutes before emailing me. She advised me it was important for me to call her back before 5:15pm that day in order to discuss the case. I didn’t check my emails until 6pm and by that time it was too late to speak with her. 

June 27th 2019 I showed up to court without being prepped for trail. I was so sure Jhavier would be released, because I had very little faith in the system. Jhavier was facing 10 years in prison for his probation violation, and had a court appointed public defender John Jameson. John was a middle age black mail who was so soft spoken and lost many of his previous cases. I could barely hear him when he spoke, and I figured my lawyer the state’s attorney would handle him well.

However, when it came time for my case to be heard John came alive. My lawyer asked for have the case postponed for until the end of the month because she needed more time to learn about the case. She asked to have Jhavier remain in jail no bail until the new court case. Jhavier’s lawyer flew into action.

“Your honor this is not a criminal case this is a custody case, and my client should be set free and at the very least granted bail. The plaintiff in this case is anger that my client has visitation and is doing anything in her power to stop my client from seeing his son. This is not a criminal case this is a case of a bitter baby momma” stated John.

I looked over at Jhavier to see him nodding and smiling with pleasure as his public defender spoke. I sat flabbergasted that Jhavier thought it was okay to ruin my character like that and attack me in open court. I would never ever lie to have anyone arrested. Instead of admitting guilt Jhavier smiled while his lawyer dragged my name through the mud. Even in handcuffs Jhavier found away to harass and belittle me.

However, the judge granted the state’s attorney request for a postponement and held Jhavier without bail. The new trail was set for July 29, 2019.

July 26th 2019 I spoke with the states attorney Megan again she advised me she would do everything in her power to help me. She advised me that she could not guarantee Jhavier would remain in jail. She told me that I would have to move as soon as possible. She referred my case to the House of Ruth relocation department. After the conversation with the state’s attorney I knew Jhavier would be released.

July 29, 2019 the state’s attorney advised me that Jhavier had already been in jail for 90 days, and she couldn’t guarantee that the judge would give Jhavier 10 years in prison. The state attorney advised me that she would offer Jhavier one additional year supervised probation. In December 2017 Jhavier was sentenced to 2 years supervised probation that would have ended December 2019, but now his probation won’t end until December 2020. Jhavier took the plea and like that he was free.

July 30th, 2019 my son and I where moved to a safe house in the middle of nowhere. I was alone in a strange town and advised to stay hidden until I was able to find new housing. I stayed in the safe house for 2 weeks, and then I was able to find new housing through the House of Ruth. I am thankful to the House of Ruth for helping me find housing and helping to keep me safe through this whole ordeal.


36 thoughts on “Tired Is An Understatement

  1. I cannot even imagine what you have been through. I will pray that you and your son remain safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry for all that you have gone through. I hope that you have been able to get away for good. And that you have sought out ways to become strong through all of this.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so glad there are places like this that can help. I hope you are able to stay safe. What a frightening situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are such a wonderful and brave person! I am glad that everything turned out well!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s so difficult when you need to protect yourself and your child against your ex. Hope you stay safe and won’t need to move out again. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Cristina Petrini November 7, 2019 — 3:19 pm

    We must always find the courage to denounce the violence and especially the domestic violence even if it is difficult and they come from the people we love and who should protect us

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jesus. I just can’t imagine this and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But sharing your story is important… maybe you’ll help someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow – I am not sure how you do it! It is so sad the state of affairs when it comes to custody battles especially when there is violence attached. Stay strong! Keep us posted and take care of you first and foremost and then your son. Because you aren’t taken care of who will be there for your son? Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow what a journey you have been on, you are so brave. I am sure this has been taking such a toll on you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m sorry to hear everything you’ve gone through … it seems so wrong that you are having to hide-out and not be free to live the life you want.

    I admire you for sharing your story … it takes great bravery to do that.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. i think brave persons suffers from hard time successfully and and you are the the great example how you handle and suffers. hats off

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I can not believe that I was reading an actual true story and not a novel, I can not believe you and your son have had to go through so much!
    I will keep you in my prayers. Please continue to be safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. My god that sounds so stressful, I am SO sorry to hear you have had to deal with this, and your poor baby. That organization though sounds amazing, I am thankful that they had the resources to help your family, and that you are safe now.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I am so sorry to hear you and your baby are going through such tough times, that sounds like a rough year, to say the least. That organization is amazing, that is wonderful that they had the resources to help you find safety!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. What a nightmare! I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sending you lots of love.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. You, Me and Benny November 14, 2019 — 2:38 am

    I am sending all the good vibes your way for you and your son!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. So sorry to hear what you had to endure and go through! no one should feel unsafe especially when you have a child with you! I really hope you’re safe now and in a better environment ! my heart is with you and your baby!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m happy that you have this stressful time behind you. There are people who don’t have your bravery and are stuck in this toxic circle.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I can not even image how it is to be in your shoes. You are so strong! I will pray for both of you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  20. we can never be too tired in this life. there will always be struggles along the way. but know that we are never given with challenges we can’t overcome. keep on fighting!

    Cha at Little MisadvenCHA

    Liked by 1 person

  21. It is important to share our story – you never know who needs it. I firmly believe that whatever you’re going through is not just for you, but for those that will read your story and be inspired. More power to you, sending tons of love and light to you and your son.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. hope everything works out and all is well


  23. Oh my, I cannot imagine the emotional and psychological trauma with this situation. Hope that everything will work out for your and your son’s favor.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I hope that you managed to stay hidden and that he couldn’t find you again. He deserves to be in jail.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Stay safe and your kid. He deserves to be in jail (or nope, being in jail only make the people paying tax to pay his jail living cost), he deserves worst.

    Liked by 1 person

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