My First Heartbreak

I remember it was a Thursday morning and I woke up extremely late for school. I was rushing to get the bush, and I needed to brush my teeth before I left the house. I would have skipped the whole day, before I left the house without brushing my teeth. When I went to brush my teeth the bathroom door was locked because someone was showering. I waited and I waited for the person in the shower to finish until I couldn’t wait any longer. I grabbed a spare toothbrush and toothpaste and quickly brushed my teeth in the empty kitchen sink before running out the door. I barely caught the bus, but I made it to school on time.

Later that day I came home from school and my father was sitting on the couch waiting for me to arrive. He asked why I brushed my teeth in the sink, and I explained that I was running late, and someone was in the bathroom. He was upset and explained how nasty that was and how inconsiderate I was for opening new toothpaste. I really felt like he was blowing the situation out of portion. Yes, I shouldn’t have overslept but that did not warrant a massive argument. My father started ranting and I started daydreaming about whatever teenage girls think about at that age.
Halfway through my daydream my father started choking me. I felt his hands wrap around my neck and I couldn’t breathe. I fought back trying to get him to let go of my throat. I don’t know how long it was before he let go but it felt like forever. He let me go and I ran out of the house never looking back at him. I ran to my best friend’s house who lived up the street and called my aunt to tell her what happened. She came to get me immediately and I stayed over her house. 
Once I got to her house, she called the rest of my family and explained to them what happened. My whole family was in a complete uproar and wanted my father punished.
I was at my Aunt’s house for three days, and I couldn’t miss anymore school. My aunt finally talked to my mother who advised her that my father denied choking me.
“I need you to tell me exactly what happened and this is serious so please be completely honest” my aunt said.
I explained to her the situation once more, and my aunt advised me that she believed me. Knowing that my aunt believed me made me feel good. Knowing my mother seemed to believe my father made me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t understand why my own mother would choose not to believe me. I would never lie about something so serious.
After five days my aunt advised me that she couldn’t keep me any longer. She advised she was taking me back home, but she would get me on weekends and the situation was far from over.
I went home and went straight to my room. I didn’t want to talk to my father, but more than anything I didn’t want to talk to me mother. For some strange reason I hated my mother more than my father. My mother was supposed to protect me for danger even if the danger was her father. I felt like my mother should put me her child her first born first but instead she chose to believe her “man”. I vowed to myself never to be that kind of woman. The kind of woman who would let love or a man control her life. I vowed that day to always believe my child over anyone else.
Almost three months later I was talking to my parents about an issue. I don’t remember what exactly I was talking to them about, but I vividly remember blurting out to my father that he chocked me. I remember that without any remorse my father blatantly admitted to choking me.
“I choked you to get your attention” he said nonchalantly.
Shocked that he finally admitted that I looked to my mother. “This is her moment” I thought to myself. She couldn’t deny or ignore the fact that my father admitted to choking me. She had no choice but to react to my father’s shocking admission.
However my mother did not budge. She didn’t make on sound and acted like she wasn’t even in the same room. I hated everything about her. What kind of woman wouldn’t protect her child? What kind of woman could know that her child was abused but not care?  It appeared my mother only cared about was being married and staying married. I guess that’s what a good wife does. It was at that moment I told myself that I never wanted to be married if that meant sacrificing my self-respect, dignity and womanhood just to please a man. My parent’s marriage made me never want to get married.
Fast forward many years and I find myself sitting in my therapist office talking about my current day situation. I explained to her how even after my son’s father Jhavier girlfriend witness him punching me in the face in front of our three-year-old son she stayed with him and defended him. I explained to my therapist that even after Jhavier attempted to commit vehicular manslaughter and hit me with a car while her child and several other children were in the car she stayed. It was as if having a man meant more to her than standing up and doing the right thing. I hated her and I couldn’t understand what type of woman would stay with a man who showed no regard for life. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t feel like she deserved so much better. I pondered was her fear of being alone so great or was her self-esteem just that low?
My therapist asked me if Jhavier girlfriend’s actions upset because she reminded me of my mother. I realized I didn’t hate Jhavier’s girlfriend I hated what she stood for in my life. She was another woman willing to sacrifice her self-worth and respect for a man.
Present day I have a much better relationship with both of my parents. I love them and they are awesome grandparents. My childhood molded me into the strong take no nonsense person that I am today! My childhood made me vow to myself never to accept piece of a man because I deserve a whole man that will treat my son and myself with love and respect.
I would encourage all parents to trust and believe their children. Take action and protect your children at all cost!

 

Please visit my blog JustJournee.com 

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45 thoughts on “My First Heartbreak

  1. Very interesting read, thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for open your heart and sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very well written, good read.

    Like

  4. Thank you for being so raw and sharing your heart. I can relate to this a lot. I have had people in my life not stick up for me when I needed to be protected, and it has been a process to work through it. Therapy is the best decision I ever made!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree therapy is the best! Thank you for reading

      Like

  5. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry your father did that to you. I can’t even imagine.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. God this is so sad and hard. I’m so sorry that your father did this to you. I’m even more sorry your mother didn’t stick up for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. thecoffeemom0617 July 17, 2019 — 10:47 pm

    This broke my heart. A mother should always believe their child in situations like this, and a father should never lay hands on their child. I couldn’t imagine the fear, but I am so glad you are here to share your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This was a nice read and I’m glad that all that’s the past now. I’m glad you’re in a better place and that you can now freely tell your story. I’m happy with the woman you’ve become. You’ve realized that you are a lot more than a woman. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is a terrible story. I like the last quote. I have seen so many people trying to recover from childhood.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Wow that is so brave of you to share and hopefully be able to help other with your experience. Such an insightful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you for being so open. What a terrible story.

    Like

  12. Oh gosh that’s such a horrendous story. I’m so sorry you went through all of that but I hope it has made you a stronger woman. Soemthing positive must come out of something so dark 💚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It definitely made me a stronger person. Thank you for reading 💚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s great to hear!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Aw, I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. It’s important to share our stories as a part of healling, and it helps others realize that different people have different struggles, whether you see or know about them or not. As a teacher, I think hearing these stories makes me more aware of abusive situations and more compassionate towards those who could be struggling.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tell my stories to bring awareness to abuse! Thank you for reading! 💚

      Like

  14. I am sorry for what you have to go through with your Parents. All the harsh experience have made you strong. You are so brave to share it from your heart and bring awareness.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. vivirewellness July 18, 2019 — 9:37 pm

    Forgiving is important and so is healing, glad today you are stronger.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. What a story, you are so brave to share this with others. Lots of people may learn from it.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m sorry you had to experience this, I’m glad you’re in a better place and are stronger.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. I’m glad you are in a better place and are stronger.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I’m so sorry for what you went through. I’m happy you realized that you deserve so much more. You’re incredibly brave.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Lyosha Varezhkina July 19, 2019 — 9:35 am

    that is such a important memory, a moment to think of. Most of people been heart break once or more. It is very important to pass it on to your kids when they come of age so the kids do not feel alone and unique in the situation, knowing who to reach at. For example, I’ve never known before I was an adult that my father and mother were not the first partners. They never told me about their romantic experience. thankfully I had my granny to tell me her stories so I knew I was not alone to be heartbreak.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I’m so sorry you dad did that to you But I’m glad you’ve been able to work through your feelings and form a better relationship with your parents.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Streamed TV Fan July 19, 2019 — 7:26 pm

    Thank you for opening yourself up and sharing this. It must have been hard.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I’m so sorry you had to go through that but I’m glad you’re in a better place. Challenges are part of life. Overcoming them makes you a stronger person. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. It’s brave of you. *hugs* ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  24. First of all, I’m sorry you had to go through that! Adults should not assault children, period. It does so much to a child. Anyway, I want to secondly say that you are incredibly brave for sharing your story. It shows the strength that you have.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. This is heartbreaking, I’m so glad you are getting help and that you have a good therapist. Parents should always protect their children above all, I’m sorry your parents didn’t do that.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. How terrifying to have the person you trust and should care for you do something like that. I hope that you have been able to cope and move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Sharing such stories needs a lot of courage and you are a bravo! Sad to see that you have to go through this pain but remember All is well!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Yes it is difficult to go through the person you love gives you sadness . Still you are a brave girl and thanks for sharing the inspiring story.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Very well written and sorry to hear you went through your first heartbreak, but happy to hear you’re doing better!

    Kind Regards,
    Diane
    http://www.petiteinparis.com

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Thank you for open your heart and sharing your story. You are a brave as you share this with us.! Always believe that All is well!
    Regards:
    Ainsley
    https://allstylein.online/

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I am really sorry for what you had experienced. I pray that there will be no child will experience the same as you had with your parents. Moreover, I strongly pray that all parents will be more educated in raising a child and not to the extent put harassment towards their children. I hope you are doing well now. God bless you and be strong! _ Lenny

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I am so sorry that you had experience that. No child should be able to experience that from her parents.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Geebers, have to say that I’m abit taken back with the rawness of these posts. But if writing helps you mend… then power to you. You can do it – believe.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s well written.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Thank you for sharing and being so open about this sensitive topic.

    Liked by 1 person

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