Tiger Stripes

Behavior never lies” – Gary Blair

I was admitted to the hospital 12/14/2014 to start the labor process for my son. Jhavier showed up to the hospital 12/17/14. Jhavier and I hadn’t spoken since about July 2014 around the time I was six months pregnant. There was so much turmoil between Jhavier and I during my pregnancy that I decided it was best that we didn’t speak. When I was admitted to the hospital I didn’t call Jhavier to tell him. 

When Jhavier walked into the hospital room I was shocked. However if I’m going to be honest I was also happy. Even after everything we went through I was excited to know Jhavier wanted to see our son be born. When Jhavier walked through the door nothing matter not the domestic violence, not him beating my dog, not the Craigslist sex scandal nothing matter. 

December 19 2014 I had a emergency C section and gave birth to my son Joshua. I named him Joshua because Joshua means savior. Joshua my son my savior. 

Joshua weighed 9.8 pounds when he was born. He was rushed to the NICU because he was barely breathing. I was so scared for my son, and although my mother was by my side I wanted to see Jhavier. Our son was being rushed to the NICU and I didn’t know what to think. I blamed myself, and I blamed Jhavier. I blamed him for putting me through so much negativity while I was pregnant. I blamed myself for putting up with the drama for so long. Once again I was broken my son was hurting and I couldn’t do anything to fix that. The only person who could’ve imagined what I was going through was Jhavier. No one else could feel the pain, or understand my anxiety other than Jhavier. Joshua was our child our flesh and blood. 

However after I gave birth to our son Jhavier was kicked out of the hospital due to his behavior. I watched the hospital security drag him out the hospital. That was the most painful and embarrassing moment of my life. I understood Jhavier probably was nervous about Joshua, but that didn’t excuse his behavior. The nurses and the doctors advised Jhavier’s behavior was unacceptable. 

“Typical Jhavier” I thought to myself. 

“Why couldn’t he hold it together for our son? Why couldn’t he hold it together for me” I thought as I began to cry out loud. 

The next day I would spend all day running back and forth to the NICU bringing breast milk to my son. I decided that I would breast feed, and it was very hard. My son wouldn’t latch onto my breast so I had to pump my milk. Pumping milk was also difficult because I wasn’t producing a lot of breast milk. Not being able to breast feed my son made me feel extremely inadequate and sad. I felt like a horrible mom because of my breast feeding issues. No one told me how normal it is for women to have issues breastfeeding and because of that I felt sad. I felt guilty like maybe I wasn’t supposed to be a mother or I wasn’t fit to be a mother. 

Jhavier finally came back to the hospital around 5:30 pm to finally meet his son. He came with a card with a handwritten note thanking me for choosing life and given birth to his first born son. He apologized for everything he put me through and promised to be the best father ever. He also came with a cloth flower from the gift shop.

“Maybe just maybe being a father will make him grow up” I thought to myself as I accepted the gifts.

Our son was in the NICU for 5 days. I stayed in the hospital everyday with him and so did Jhavier. We both slept in the same small hospital bed together every night. If I needed help with dressing Jhavier helped me. If I was hungry he would get me food and it felt like the old times were back. The old times when we were young and in love with no drama, no violence, just love. Jhavier was sweet, he was my protector. He was so in love with our son he held him whenever he could. My perfect family was coming together I thought to myself. I was happy even if it was just for the moment.

December 24th Christmas Eve 2014 Joshua was released from the NICU. I went home with my mother, and Jhavier went home to wherever he lived. Our time as a family was over. Reality kicked in as soon as we left the hospital. My little family was no more. 

After I left the hospital Jhavier would call every couple of days to check on our son. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t call everyday but I realized our son couldn’t talk. 

February 04 2015 I brought Josh to see Jhavier. Jhavier finally had time to spend with Joshua and I was happy to bring him. Jhavier was renting out a small bedroom in a boarding house for men. He lived on the top floor and had a small twin size bed. His bedroom door didn’t lock and there was one shared bathroom. Being the only woman in a house full of men made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be there, but I wanted to make sure Jhavier could spend time with his son. 

Jhavier asked me if we could have sex. I declined. He seemed like he was okay with the rejection as long he still could be with his son. I was at Jhaviers house for about two hours and I asked him to pop some popcorn. He said no and told me to pop my own popcorn. The microwave was in the kitchen and I didn’t want to go into the kitchen with the men. The strange men in the boarding house who I did not know. I explained that to Jhavier and he became enraged. 

“You think your better than me. Your too good to go to my kitchen.” Jhavier said as he snatched the popcorn from me and threw it out his third floor window. I realized at that moment that Jhavier did not change. He was still the same evil women beater and I felt dumb. 

I started gathering my stuff and my son to leave. I had my son in one arm and his diaper bag in the other arm and I started walking to the door. 

“Bitch you can leave but leave my son” Jhavier said as he pushed me. I feel onto the bed with my son in my arms. Josh was barely three months old. I felt like I failed as a mother again. I knew Jhavier was unstable and still I came to his room with the hopes of being a family. It was my fault that my infant son was subjected to the foolery.

Jhavier apologized and begged me so stay. I left with our son and told Jhavier I would never come back. I told him he could still see our son but I would not bring our son to him. He would need to make the arrangements. I left his room that day, and Jhavier didn’t see Josh again until Josh’s dedication on June 14 2015.

I learned that day that Jhavier would never ever change. No matter how much I wished he would change. My heart was broken. Jhavier showed me who he was and I should’ve believed him.

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103 thoughts on “Tiger Stripes

  1. I’m so sorry you had to go through this but I’m glad you are out of the trauma. Sometimes, the heart wants what it wants despite noticing the obvious. Leaving someone who love is never easy and knowing you love someone who treats you like trash is so painful. But I’m glad you had the courage to move on. You’ve learnt. You’ve grown. You’re strong. You are a warrior. God’s got you. Always remember that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you and Josh are doing well. Thank you for sharing your story. You are such a brave warrior goddess! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry ya had to go through this but hopefully you guys are doing well now.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing this, you are truly a warrior!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, that guy sounds like he needs to be in jail. What disgusting behavior. I’m sorry you went through it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is so touching to read and am sorry you had to go through this. No one deserve such treatment. Glad you are brave to move on. Have faith in God. Lots of Love to you and Joshua.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am sorry that you had to go through this. Some people are disgusting humans. I am glad you were strong enough to move on and protect your son from the violence.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I cannot even begin to imagine the turmoil that you went through. I hope you are in a better situation now. I am still battling it out with emotional abuse and I know how much it hurts. But you’re strong. Be kind to yourself and let’s hope that we both make it through.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I pray that you do make it through! 💚

      Like

  8. Cristina Petrini June 27, 2019 — 7:37 am

    Reading the way you have overcome the trauma is really helpful for those who are now in a similar situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. K from Kronicles June 27, 2019 — 8:43 am

    I am so sorry for the hardships youve been through—NO ONE deserves that. You are so strong for pushing through and sharing your story out there.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Thank you for sharing your story so openly with us. I believe by sharing our stories we spread understanding into the world. What you’ve been through is difficult … I hope Jhavier gets the help he needs to be able to be that family guy you saw glimmers of … and in the meantime I sent good thoughts and loving wishes to you as you raise your lovely son.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! It’s also my hope that one day Jhavier does get the help he absolutely needs. I hope that he understands how important it is for him to be a decent man to raise his son 💚

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I know this wasn’t easy to share so thank you for being brave and I’m sorry you and baby Joshua had to experience that kind of negativity in your life.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Someone somewhere is finding strength because of your words. That’s important.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you for sharing such an important story. I’m sorry you had to go through this and I hope you and Joshua are doing ok.

    Such a touching story.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. The Conflict Expert June 27, 2019 — 2:46 pm

    Really sad to read this but there is always hope 🙂 thanks for sharing so openly .

    Liked by 1 person

  15. JENRON DESIGNS June 27, 2019 — 4:19 pm

    The Maya Angelou quote is so true yet so easy to over look. I know that in religion we are suppose to look past the faults and hardships of others and have empathy for others, but some times our faith can blind us so badly that miss the most obvious demons standing right before us in sheep’s clothing.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Your son has you, and you will be an amazing parent to him, despite his father’s behavior. Jhavier’s visitation should be supervised (by children’s services) if he has it at all. Leaving the situation was the best thing for both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree he should have supervised visits. However the law in Maryland doesn’t agree. The law says he just hit the mother not the child so he was granted unsupervised visits.

      Like

  17. This is such a sad story, to have to go through that so soon after becoming a mom is horrible. You’re right that some people just can’t change.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. omg!!! What a sad and touching story, tiger stripes for sure!!! And I agree with your takeaway, people don’t change. Some people are really horrible.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. wow 9 pound 8 ounce baby! You’re a hero

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I always say things happen for reason. We learn a lesson we grow from them. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I’m so sorry you went through this. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring other women to get out of these types of relationships.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for reading! I really hope I’m helping at least one woman walk away from her abuser! 💚

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Kristin Daniels June 28, 2019 — 3:08 am

    You are truly and inspiration. I really love how you share your stories and how your so open and honest. You’re helping so many women in your same situation find their voice! I have so much love and admiration for you. Your strength is truly undeniable! Sending you lots of love and positivity.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. elenaanderinblog June 28, 2019 — 3:25 am

    So glad you are able to realize you and your son deserve so much better. It’s hard to walk away from people we love even when they aren’t good for us but you will be a stronger person and mother because of what you went through!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree it’s definitely hard to walk away from people we love! However if they aren’t good for us or cause us harm we have to leave no matter how hard it is to walk away. Thank you for reading 💚

      Liked by 1 person

  24. I believe new moms, most especially need love and attention. Im sorry that you have to go through that. Hope you all the love and kisses.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. goldenpineappleblog June 28, 2019 — 1:01 pm

    Wow I’m so sorry you had to go through that, and you are very strong for leaving when you did! Your son is way better off without that horrible man in his life.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Damn. Having a baby is already a challenge enough with support…
    I hurt for you having to go through all that and all the prior absuse–But i also have so much respect for you that you were able to stand your ground in the end, doing what’s best for you and your son by walking away. I know how difficult that is when in a situation where you’re hoping against all hope that somebody you’ve loved will step up and be who you need them to be!… Being able to be strong for yourself and those around you is so important.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I agree being able to be strong is so important! 💚

      Liked by 1 person

  27. I don’t know this true story or fake but anyway when I read this, there are part of this article is touching my heart so deeply. Thank you for share about this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! And unfortunately this story is true. 💚

      Like

  28. What an inspiration! Your story rings true to so many and how brave of you to share with the world. The quote you have posted at the beginning, “Behavior Never Lies” rings true to so many situations.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I definitely agree that quote is so powerful and true! Thank you 💚

      Like

  29. A big salute to you 🙂 I know it is hard to leave someone whom we love but sometimes it is good to be away instead of suffering. You faced it bravely and took the right decision. Kudos.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I’m sorry this is something you had to go through. I appreciate you being brave to share this with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I am sorry that you have to experience this, especially when you Javier is an a”. It is sad that your son wouldn’t know his biological father but don’t fret, you will meet someone someday who will be your son’s father figure. Youa re very strong and wise to leave Jhavier when situations didn’t improve.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Congratulations on the birth of your son (even though it was a little while ago). I am sorry that it was accompanied by the stress of having to deal with his father . I pray that you find everything that you want in a mate.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. This is so heartbreaking. Thank you for your honesty.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. I am very strong willed so I only need to see it once to be out but good for you for recognizing it and getting your son out of that situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. I am so sorry you and your son had to go through this. Wishing you two all the best. You are doing what is right for you and him, Mama!

    Liked by 1 person

  36. I am really sorry that you and your son has to go through this. Glad you are strong and able fight through this.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. This is quite a sad story that you have. Be strong and God will give something to you. Everything will be ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. The whole situation is just really so horrific. I think it would be horrible to love someone and just be treated like that over and over. And to watch them not be able to ever control themselves even for the sake of their son breaks my hear.t

    Liked by 1 person

  39. I am so sorry that you had to experience that type of behavior. I hope that either you have moved on or he has changed. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through this. But I want to congratulate you for the baby and for the courage to walk away from him as you did. More power to you and God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Good for you…I am sure it was very hard but you made a step in the right direction.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Geebers what a rough story and so sad and frustrating to hear! My goodness I hope things get better for you and your son…

    Liked by 1 person

  43. This is truly heartbreaking yet your strength is so inspiring. Thank you for being so open.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. I am so sorry for going through this and I am glad you were able to come out of it, don’t worry all will be well and your son will always be there.

    Liked by 1 person

  45. thank you for sharing such an intimate and powerful story. Domestic violence is a taboo subject but it is not uncommon. It is terrible that so many women (and some men) experience such harmful treatment at the hands of loved ones. I am really happy you were able to leave that situation and find a safe space. You are brave and you should be proud of yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

  46. I know that you wished he would change for his son. This guy needs help.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Passion Piece July 3, 2019 — 7:54 am

    I love the last quotation, as it’s really true. I’m learning not to expect others to be different than they are, but it’s not easy. Sometimes we do so because there are some feelings involved. Great text! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  48. That last quote is so true. I learned that with my ex-husband – I wish I’d learned the lesson sooner.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. I’m sorry you and your son had to go through that. You don’t deserve this – no one does. Reading your story truly broke my heart but I’m glad that you continue to be strong despite what happened. Sending love and prayers. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Alexandra Cook July 3, 2019 — 4:09 pm

    It is true too. So many people want to try to define you after knowing you for such a short time.

    Liked by 1 person

  51. My DIL had a really hard time pumping. She found a support group and that was so helpful for her to see it was okay, and perfectly normal. It turned out with a happy ending but I was so glad she found that peace in the meetings.

    Liked by 1 person

  52. Wow.. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Truly inspirational.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Robert Johnston July 6, 2019 — 1:47 pm

    There is no room in marriage for violence. Im glad you got out. Scary situation to be in

    Liked by 1 person

  54. I’m sorry you had to go through this… I understand why you had hopes and you thought he might have changed… unfortunately he didn’t. As many years have passed since then, I hope you found a man that deserves you, a man who treats you good and who loves your son like his own.

    Liked by 1 person

  55. I feel sorry you had to go through that but I am happy you have recovered really well!

    Liked by 1 person

  56. First of all, thank you for sharing your story. I know it’s difficult to share these stories, but it can be such a therapeutic thing for you to share, but also a great reminder to your readers about abusers.

    I hope you don’t mind me sharing my own story. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years. First, it started out verbal and emotional, but it finally progressed to physical violence. I kept telling myself he would change so I stayed. He would make promises or gaslight me. It was so unhealthy but I couldn’t see it clearly.

    People love to point out all the things that I should have done differently, rather than point out that it *him* who should have questioned his actions. I’m so glad you saw through it and survived.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story! When I was in this relationship and even after I ended the situation I hated when people gave me their unnecessary opinions or told me what I should’ve done! I hated when people asked me what I did or what I said to upset him! Victim blaming is awful but it happens so often!
      I’m glad that your out of this situation and I’m glad your telling your story! Sharing Stories like ours can really help women who are in similar situations 💚

      Like

  57. But I’m happy because you are strong to face anything. Thank you for sharing your stories with us. Stay happy.
    Happy blogging 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  58. You’re right, you aren’t responsible for changing others, each one of us has to take the honest desition to change (if we want to). So, if he isn’t compromised and fully willing to change, he won’t do it. He’s going to keep being the same person you knew.

    Liked by 1 person

  59. I’m so sorry to hear that but thanks for sharing your vulnerability. It was a great read.

    Liked by 1 person

  60. I’m so sorry you went through all this. That quote by Maya A. is correct and as much as it may hurt to leave it is usually the best thing for us. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  61. Wow I’m so sorry you had to go through that but I’m so happy you and your son are safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  62. Neil Alvin Nicerio July 8, 2019 — 1:25 am

    I’m so sorry to hear that. Would be praying that everything turns out well.

    Like

  63. This must be really tough on you. Hope that everything turns to the right way and all go well too. Keep safe always

    Liked by 1 person

  64. You, Me and Benny July 8, 2019 — 3:18 pm

    sometimes people just will never change or learn to be better and no matter how hard it sucks we have to accept it so WE can be better! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  65. Shoppers Gossip July 9, 2019 — 4:02 pm

    Very true … No one is perfect but accepting the truth and reality is the best medicine. I wish you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  66. I feel very sorry for you. Glad you are okay now and doing well. It needs a lot of courage and strength. Take care girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  67. I am so sorry you had to go through that experience but I am glad that you are now away from him and doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Such a fitting name for your son! Sometimes God uniquely sends us blessings. Sorry, you endured so much, but this is your testimony to others.

    Liked by 1 person

  69. Streamed TV Fan July 12, 2019 — 7:23 pm

    You’re a tough cookie. You need to do what you have to for you and your soon. Keep going and let no one put you down.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Sorry for your experience, but I know that baby boy is worth it! Focus on him and you!

    Liked by 1 person

  71. What a beautifully written. I loved reading this stuff.

    Like

  72. Oh no, I’m so sorry you had to go through this, Janay. 😦 Please know that people like Jhavier don’t deserve you. You’re one tough woman and you’ll certainly be okay. At least you have your darling son with you to get through this journey! Just stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

  73. My daughter was also in the NICU around the same time for the respiratory distress. She was a month early and tiny. I know it’s so hard and to also have the added stress of your significant other must have been even more difficult.

    Liked by 1 person

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