But Did You Die Pt3

“I’ve been doing this job for four years and you are the only woman that showed up to court. I’m proud of you” ~ Austin Hansen Baltimore City Police Officer

 

June 14th two weeks after my son’s father punched me in the face and attempted to hit my son and myself with a moving car I was granted a permanent peace order. However I quickly found out that a peace order is just a useless piece of paper. The peace order just stated Jhavier my son’s father couldn’t hurt me or talk to me legally. He was however allowed to call me in reference to our son. Jhavier went from never calling our son to calling numerous times a day.

The peace order also did not state that Jhaiver had to stay away from me. It only stated that Jhavier couldn’t hurt me or talk to me. One day I left the house and Jhavier was hiding behind a tree just watching my apartment complex. I called the police and was advised he legally could move into my building as long as he didn’t talk to me or hurt me. The Peace Order was a pointless piece of paper.

          I went to the court house to file for an immediate change of custody. I wanted Jhavier’s visits with our son to be supervised. How could I trust the man that just attempted to hit my son with a car to be alone with my son? I was advised that because I had full physical and legal custody the judge would not hear my plea for an immediate change of custody. The clerk advised me judges don’t hear immediate custody cases for changes in visitation. She advised me I could file for a change in custody and wait for a trial date to be set. I filed the papers that date and a trial date was set for almost 5 months later.

I pressed charges on Jhavier, but the state picked up the case. The case was now The State of Maryland v Jhavier Alexander. Jhavier was charged with 1st degree assault which is a felony, 2nd degree assault, and malicious destruction of property for breaking my glasses when he punched me. I was confused as to why he wasn’t charged with attempted murder for attempting to hit me and my 2 year old with a car. I was also confused as to why he was only really receiving a slap on the wrist.  I was so confused and actually hurt. I felt like no one was taking my case seriously.

The state’s attorney a middle aged woman advised me that the state would be dropping the felony charge. She advised the destruction of property charge would most likely be dropped as well, but the second degree assault charge would not be dropped. I asked her why he was not being charged with attempted murder. She advised me that things could have been worst. She advised me that because I was not seriously injured he wasn’t being charged with anything more serious.

So basically because Jhavier did not succeed with hitting me with the car he was not being charged with attempted murder. Basically Jhavier’s failed attempt at killing me worked in his favor and he would not receive a real punishment. The states attorney advised me that Jhavier would be offered two years supervised probation, ordered to take an anger management class, and a parenting class if he pled guilty. She advised if he did not plead guilty the case would be taken to trail and if found guilty by a jury he would be sentenced to 10 years behind bars which is the max for second degree assault in Maryland.

Jhavier pled not guilty and asked for a jury trial. December 2018 the case went to trail. Well actually the case never went to a real trail.  December 18 2017 Jhavier pled guilty to second degree assault. He admitted in open court to punching me and attempting to hit me with a car. However no jail time was given. Instead he was able to get the original deal. Jhavier was given probation before judgement. That means that he pled guilty without actually pleading guilty. It also means that after Jhavier completes his probation he will be a free as a bee and his record will be wiped clean. Jhavier was sentenced to 2 years probation one year supervised and one year unsupervised. He was also ordered to compete court ordered anger management and classes with the House Ruth. Basically for punching me in the face in front of our son and attempting to hit my son and myself with a car Jhavier was able to walk free. One year supervised probation and the next year he was just free.

Jhavier is free and I haven’t slept one night since the initial punch. This time around I don’t even know if it will be worth my wild to call the police. Jhavier advised me that he has a gun, and he will kill me before he goes back to jail.

April 2018 Jhavier and I went to family court. Once again I asked for supervised visits. Once again the judge sided with Jhavier even though he was on probation and pled guilty to assault. The judge said she believed that Jhaiver struck me, and drove the car at my son and myself. However she believed Jhavier was not trying to hit our son he was only trying to hit me. Once again the system befuddled. Jhavier plead guilty and was charged for attempting to hit my son and myself with a moving vehicle. However family court still gave him unsupervised visits with a toddler.

The judge also said that she thought Jhavier and I were two nice people. She told me that I was Jhavier’s trigger. Imagine being a domestic violence victim and being told by a judge that your abuser is a nice person you just trigger him.

Once again I was granted full physical and legal custody.

“Well I probably should’ve just let him run us over” I thought to myself after all the trails were over. Did I die? No not physically but a piece of me feels broken, defeated and let down. A part Of me feels scared because Jhavier is free. However I am proud of myself for trying to fight until the end! I refuse to let my abuser win!

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67 thoughts on “But Did You Die Pt3

  1. Cristina Petrini April 17, 2019 — 5:00 pm

    Always an important point of view the power of words that reaches the heart and makes the soul think.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. He should be in jail. I’m sorry the judge said that to you. He was wrong, 100%. I am glad you fought against your abuser.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes it is hard isn’t it – they really do seem like they take a little bit away from you and break a little bit of something in you. But you can put it together.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow that sounds intense. I hope you’re okay and sorry you had to go through that.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reading this made me so angry and sad. He should have went to jail or received a harsher punishment. I can’t believe the judge blamed you the victim for your abuse. Your so strong! I wish you all the best. You are in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Unfortunately I hear stories like this all the time. We women need to be firm and fight for ourselves so we can be strong for our babies!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree! Women have to be strong! 💚

      Like

  6. No words! Reading your story makes my blood boil. It is not okay that you got subjected to all this torture, this is not okay!!! You’re in our prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is not right, You and your son don’t deserve this. In fact no one deserve this. You are so brave mom. Stay Strong and fight for your justice.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so angry for you, reading this just makes my blood boil. He deserves to be in jail. I’m so sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So how have you been since last update of April 2018? Hope your life with your son is returning to normal. 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wrote a blog post “Single Parent Confession” to give an update on our current situation. Last November I received a call from Jhavier and he stated that he was suicidal and living in his car. So basically I’m back in family court asking once again for supervised visits. Thank you for reading 💚

      Like

  10. Brittany Vantrease April 18, 2019 — 3:14 pm

    I can’t believe that nothing more has been done! That judge also sounds like someone who is in a relationship with a manipulator. How dare she make up excuses for a man who hurt another human being. I’m sorry that things didn’t go better for you and I hope that they will. How frustrating for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I felt the same way about the judge. I couldn’t believe she blamed the victim in open court. People wonder why most victims don’t want to press charges. Thank you for reading 💚

      Like

  11. I am in utter shock. That judge should be arrested simply on that fact. You are strong and so inspirational.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. It’s sad to know that there are men out there who know how to manipulate a failed system and are bent on getting their way. So sorry for what you are going through, Keep fighting and be strong for your kid. It’s good you have a platform to share it on, I bet that helps relieve some stress.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Oh my goodness, I am SO glad you have this blog to vent! I think I would just burst from this unfairness. Here’s a big hug to you – hang in there not just for your son but for yourself as well. It will all be okay.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. He’s free?!?!? Are you kidding me??? Bless your poor heart, that sounds like you were raked over the coals when HE should have been!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Believe me I’m shocked and disappointed by the outcome as well. Thank you for reading! 💚

      Like

  15. Thank you for your transparency and for being an advocate!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Wow, this is a crazy story, the court system is crazy and I’m sorry for the way things have turned out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not your fault! Thank you for reading 💚

      Like

  17. It is nice that you went to court to have the matter addressed legally; and that you won over the custody of your child. But that judge??? I feel like the statement he made was so shallow.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree still to this day I can’t believe the judge said that and with a smile. Thank you for reading 💚

      Like

  18. I have heard of situations like this. Honestly, I think my sister dealt with this (but we have yet to talk about it). I hate that women go through this. Why do we constantly second-guess whether the woman is a victim? Love the way you delivered this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I Also hate that women have to go through this and I hate some of them suffer in silence. Thank you! 💚

      Like

  19. Enriqueta Lemoine April 21, 2019 — 1:17 pm

    You’re such a brave woman. You never gave up and you never will. You did what you have to do, no matter the system failed you in such a gross way. Keep walking my dear and raising your voice. Gold bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. After reading this, he should be in jail. But people some time not help us still you are brave and faced the situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I really hate the justice system! He should be in jail!! Thank you for sharing your story and being strong! Hopefully it will help other domestic violence survivors do the same!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope I can help someone many survivors! Thank you! 💚

      Like

  22. How is that possible that he did not serve in jail? and that his record would be whipped clean? I don’t get this! How terrifying it must has been for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I asked myself the same thing! How is he free and why is it a good idea to wipe his record clean? This law needs to change and that’s why I am sharing my story and fighting so hard for stronger domestic violence laws. Thank you for reading! 💚

      Like

  23. Mindy Thompson Servello April 22, 2019 — 1:44 pm

    It’s so hard to see how someone can manipulate the system like this and cause such stress onto his child and you.Thank you for sharing your story. He should be in jail. You’re bringing awareness to this and also helping other women in this situation.

    Mndy

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I would want to move to another state. This man sounds so violent.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Sorry that happened to you and to your son. Yes, he should be in jail. I hope you get the justice you deserve and that he will go to jail.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. thecoffeemom0617 April 22, 2019 — 8:17 pm

    As someone who worked in the legal field, it breaks my heart seeing how it fails so many times. The charges being dropped just guts me

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me as well I hate it! Thank you 💚

      Like

  27. I am glad you fought against your abuser. Remember, you are inspiring others in doing so.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Michael David Oyco April 23, 2019 — 2:24 am

    Looking forward on knowing how would this turn out.. But hope you are doing great as of now.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. life is as hard as that, you have to be strong and brave , there is no justice except in heaven !!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Oh, boy life can be really hard at times. I am so sorry you had to suffer abuse. Nobody should have to go through something like this.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I’m sorry about that…you must feel broken from within but keep on fighting. He might be free but his day is coming, such abusive characters have their own hot days!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I really can’t believe that there’s people who can do that to their own son. I’m so sorry to hear about that. Sending my virtual hugs for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. I can’t tell you how sorry I am you have to endure this. But even more anger towards the justice system, it fails more then it wins.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Its pretty awesome work ,keep it up

    Like

  35. It’s tough to fight, but important to do so. I hate being involved in legal battles. just hate it!

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Yikes. What a mess. Hopefully it’s getting sorted out~

    Liked by 1 person

  37. I am so sorry! You are a strong woman.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. I think that the best thing you can do is run away and relocate in a different state, even country, and cut off relations you have with him and common friends. If the system doesn’t seem to help you, then you should take the matter into your hands. Go somewhere where he can’t find you, leave no traces behind.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. I,m sorry to hear that you had to go through his & hopefully things will start to go better for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  40. This is really not good and after what he wanted to do, it wasn’t nice for stalking and attempting what he did.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. There are definitely too many cracks in the legal system that allow victims to continue to be victimized. Time for Change!

    Liked by 1 person

  42. You’ve been though a lot. I wish you the best and hope things get better with time.

    http://www.itsasweetsweetworld.com

    Liked by 1 person

  43. You’ve been through a lot. I wish you the best and hope things get better with time.

    http://www.itsasweetsweetworld.com

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Great point of view!

    Like

  45. oh no 😦 I’m extremely sorry to read the bad situation you went through. Hope you are doing well now. Speaking about it needs lots of bravery and you are one bravo!

    Liked by 1 person

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