But Did You Die? Pt 1

“This seems to be the most pro-criminal group of legislators I’ve ever seen” – Maryland Governor Larry Hogan

 Shortly after my son turned 2 years old his father Jhavier was granted unsupervised visitation. He was ordered to see our son every other weekend starting Friday at 5pm until Sunday at 8 pm.  I was granted full physical, and legal custody. I contested Jhavier receiving unsupervised visits. I wanted the visits to be supervised. The first reason I wanted the visits to be supervised was because Jhavier did not spend any time with our son the first two years of our son’s life. Jhavier literally saw our son at the hospital when our son was born, and at our son’s dedication six months later. The second and most important reason I contested unsupervised visits was because Jhavier proved himself to be a loose cannon. He was arrested and jailed for punching me while I was pregnant. I was granted a restraining order while I was pregnant because of the abuse. Jhavier could not control himself and he proved that time and time again, but the Baltimore City Circuit Court disagreed with me. The Baltimore City Court system advised me that Jhavier is the father and as the father he has rights to our child regardless of his past with domestic violence. I was advised that he hit me and not the child, and because he never hit the child he was eligible for unsupervised visitation. The law befuddled me, and I was extremely perplexed. I couldn’t understand why the law would allow someone with a violent past to be around a child unsupervised. Not to mention that yes he is the father, but he was also the same “father” that attacked the mother of his unborn child while she was pregnant. So because his punches to my gut didn’t kill our unborn child he was granted unsupervised visits. 

The unsupervised visits started January 2017. Every other weekend Jhaiver would pick Josh up, and drop him off. However the visits never went smoothly ever. Sometimes Jhaiver would drop our son off late, and other times he just didn’t show up. This would go on until May 2017. 

 One Sunday in May Jhavier was supposed to drop our son off at 8pm. However Jhaiver texted me around 7:59pm and advised that he was in DC running late because of traffic. 

“Really why would he wait until 7:59pm to leave DC if he knew he was supposed to drop Josh off at 8pm” I thought to myself annoyed. 

However once again 8pm turned into 9:45 when Jhaiver finally pulled into my apartment parking lot. I always met Jhaiver at the end of the parking lot so that he did not know exactly where I lived. 

Jhavier hopped out the car but he didn’t unbuckle our son right away. 

“Please stop dropping him off so late he’s 2” I said to Jhavier frustrated. 

“That’s my son he is with his father it shouldn’t matter what time I drop him off. I took him to the zoo” Jhavier said. 

“That’s nice, but why would you wait until the zoo closed” I said. I just thought to myself “is the zoo even open until 8pm at night”? Who would keep a 2 year old at the zoo until 8pm?  His story just didn’t make sense. 

Finally Jhavier unbuckled our son, and I bent down to hug our son. Then I took our son and we started to talk away, but before I could walk away Jhaiver grabbed me by my hair. Then he punched me in my head, and my glasses instantly broke and feel to the ground. Stupid Bitch” I heard him say. 

“NO Daddy your bad” I heard my son yell as he reached down to grab my glasses. 

Jhavier didn’t respond to our child instead he ran to the car. I thought he was going to leave the scene, but he didn’t. Instead he drove the car right at my son and I as fast as he could. Instinctively I grabbed our son and jumped out the way. We just missed being hit by the car. I mean we literally just missed being hit by the car if I waited a second longer I wouldn’t even be typing this. After Jhavier missed hitting us with the car he sped away from the scene leaving me to carter to our crying toddler. I called the police and reported the incident. I was advised that an officer would be on the way. 

I decided to wait outside for the police and to send my son inside of the apartment with my little cousin. I just didn’t want the kids to see me bruised because I was scared and embarrassed. Even after everything Jhaiver put me through while pregnant I couldn’t believe he tried to hit my son and I with a car. I couldn’t believe he would stoop so low to punch me in front of our two year old child.  

15 minutes after I called 911 and reported almost being killed by my son’s father a car pulled into my apartment complex. I thought it was the police, but it was actually just my brother getting out of a Lyft. I started to explain to him what happened, but before I could do so Jhavier pulled back into my apartment complex. He jumped out of the car and knocked me to the ground. My brother jumped in to defend me, and then he and Jhavier started to fight. While they were fighting I noticed the police driving slowly into the parking lot with their sirens off. Jhaiver noticed them too, and ran back to his car and pulled off. Unbelievably he got away the police weren’t able to stop him. 

Although the police weren’t able to stop him a warrant was issued for his arrest on the scene. The officer took my statement and took photos of my injuries. 

As the police were questioning me all I could think about was my son. I requested supervised visits to avoid horrible situations like this one. I still can’t imagine how damaging it is for a two year old child to see their father strike their mother. It’s heartbreaking. The court system needs to do a better job at protecting the victim, and the children. This experience showed me that the law at least in Baltimore MD is in favor of the abuser. There should have been no way with his past that Jhaiver was ever given unsupervised visits with a child. 

The law now basically says that a person has to kill you or your child in order for you to receive justice. If you survive domestic violence in Baltimore you go from being victimized by your abuser to being victimized again by laws.

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Please visit my blog JustJournee.com 

77 thoughts on “But Did You Die? Pt 1

  1. I completely agree, when it comes to domestic abuse the law often doesn’t do it’s part in fully protecting the victim. I am sorry to hear you and your son went through that, but I am happy that you are trying to move forward. You are amazing and you will prevail.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry to hear that you have gone thru this Janay. I know you want to be strong for your son but there are amazing counsellors who can help you both wade thru the emotions of such a traumatic experience(s). You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers Janay.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I currently go to therapy every Tuesday. My son also goes to therapy weekly! I am trying to be strong and therapy is one tool I use to be as strong as I can be! 💚

      Like

  3. I always like what you write with firmness, truth and emotion. Very good!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The courts are messed up. To put your lives in danger like this is just awful.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. OMG Jaynay, i had tears in my eyes reading your story. I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Domestic abuse is a crime! Treating you like he is is a crime! Unsupervised visitation with someone as unstable as your ex is a crime! Period!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I hope you can kind the strength and courage to continue to fight for what is right for yourself and your son! Best of luck and many prayers!

    Lauren | https://www.laurelandiron.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Well, that was insanely heartbreaking and I am so upset for you. I pray that things get better for both you and your baby boy.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is quite unfortunate to happen. Abuse is just everywhere that sometimes we don’t even see it coming. You are such a brave girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. OMG, this is terrible. How could he try to hit his own son? I feel sorry for you, that’s really bad when even the law does not stand by the truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I can’t believe he was granted visitation at all! You are one strong mama!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Aishwarya Shenolikar April 11, 2019 — 4:58 pm

    The way you have portrayed such an important issue is commendable. All the power to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. This is absolutely horrible. I am so glad you and your son are going to therapy. It will make you both stronger and able to move on. Also, hopefully, the courts will get this right with this additional evidence! Keep pushing forward!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You are an amazing mother and person! As a mom of a child adopted out of foster care, I know how hard it is to keep those “parents” who harm a child away from them . Keep fighting ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I completely agree with you. I’m so sorry to hear that you and your son went through this.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh my goodness, what a journey you’ve been through. I’m so proud of you for coming out the other side of this trauma and empowering other women through your own story.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hey there, I really like the way you write, It’s great if you can make the post font little bit bigger. Thanks 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Of course I will try to change the font. 💚

      Like

  17. lauragetsrichinhealth April 12, 2019 — 3:26 pm

    Wow, that is so sad and unfortunate. I’m so sorry for you and your son to deal with that. You are right, something does need to be done about it!! Sending love and hugs! ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  18. The judicial system still needs a lot of work in this area (and a lot of other areas). Thanks for bringing this to light and making a conversation.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. You, Me and Benny April 12, 2019 — 5:20 pm

    Oh my goodness girl! I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this ! I hope for a good outcome from this soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. You are so strong and a great role model. Keep up the hard work; it is paying off.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Neil Alvin Nicerio April 13, 2019 — 12:22 am

    I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you and your son. May you find peace and justice.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I’m so sorry this happened.. it must had been scary. I will pray for you and your son’s safety.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Matija Antonić April 13, 2019 — 5:31 pm

    This just is heart breaking, it’s a shame what some people are capable off, but that is just how bullies are, they need to show their dominance over someone, they don’t care who it is, I hope you will be able to make him lose all visitation rights.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Stories of this type griefs me. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I don’t know you but my eyes teared up as I read it. How can I pray for you?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Please pray that there is a positive outcome for my son and myself! Your prayers are appreciated ❤️

      Like

  25. I hope that things get better for you and your family. It’s a shame that you have to deal with these things.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. It is time for a change! It shouldn’t have to be a life-or-death situation before people get help for domestic violence and it is so terrible for the well-being of the victims

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I agree sometimes the law doesnt make sense. They need to improve the current legislation.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. My heart breaks for you. Sorry that you and your son have to deal with this. I don’t know you but I can tell you are a very strong person/mom. Don’t give up things will get better.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. I am so sorry that you had to go through this especially while your son was watching.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Thanks for sharing your story. I know sharing can be tough, but it’s a real eye opener. Good luck with everything.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. It’s a lot you have gone through, I hope you and your son are fine now. Maybe ur your husband shouldn’t be allowed to meet at all now and should be put behind the bars.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Oh, this makes me so frustrated and sad for you – hopefully this new police report will provide enough clear evidence as to why he shouldn’t be allowed unsupervised visits. But then, I’m afraid you will be in even more danger with him. Do you have someone else that can supervise?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Unfortunately I was advised that although he drove the vehicle at my son and myself he was only trying to hit me. I’ll explain it in part two!

      Like

  33. The law doesn’t make sense at all. Your ex has already proven that he has a violent disposition, why would the court allow the innocent child to be exposed to that?

    So perplexing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading I feel the same way! 💚

      Like

  34. I’m so happy you are moving forward. I really wish there were better laws to protect victims of domestic abuse. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope for better laws in the future as well! Thank you for reading! 💚

      Like

  35. Oh my, this is really terrible. I am really sorry that you and your son have to go through all this. Really hope that things will get better for you. ~ Ola @ WanderWithOla

    Liked by 1 person

  36. I’m so sorry you went through that. This makes me feel so angry. You are strong! I will pray for you and you son.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! 💚 prayers are definitely appreciated

      Like

  37. amazing human

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Well written article. I really like the way you write, Thanks for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

  39. This is deep. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know you’re strong and you can get through this. Prayers for you and your son!

    Liked by 1 person

  40. This is so so so bad, I had to read to the very end cause i was captivated by the story. How could the law even allow this kind of person that is supposed to be behind bars visit a toddler unsupervised.. It is very very bad, seriously i felt like hitting this guy from here.. Hope you and your son are doing well now?

    Liked by 1 person

  41. This was really heartbreaking to read and I’m sorry with what you and your son went through. I had an online friend who went through the same thing and it makes me angry and sad at the same time. I hope things get better for you guys!

    Liked by 1 person

  42. It’s awful that you had to go through such horrors with your baby’s father. He should be jailed and never allowed to see his son again. I hope you will be able to leave the past in the past and move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. It’s so rare that domestic violence is punished, partially because it can be hard to prove. I just hope that someone can get out of that situation before it becomes too dangerous.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There are so many factors that play into why domestic violence isn’t punished unfortunately. You are right domestic violence is sometimes a he said she said situation. Thank you for reading 💚

      Like

  44. Lyosha Varezhkina April 15, 2019 — 7:41 pm

    It is terrible what you went through. thank you for your courage to share this with us. I couldn’t be more proud of you. I just hope it will never happen to you or anyone else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I hope also hope this never happens again to anyone ever again! 💚

      Like

  45. This is such a sad story.I am so sorry that you and your son had to deal with such violence. I do hope Jhavier gets locked up.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. I strongly hate domestic violence especially when it reaches that point of affecting a child’s growth. That is so unfair and should be condemned!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally agree when I hate the affect it has on the child! Thank you 💚

      Liked by 1 person

  47. Sending you hugs. I read the title and my mind instantly went to Hangover but what a scary chain of events!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol yes I didn’t even think about the hangover! Thanks for reading 💚

      Like

  48. I completely agree with you!! The laws when it comes to domestic abuse on the mother and not child is such a gray area and it shouldn’t be. I went, and still am, going through similar things with my son’s father. I’m SO glad you and your son are okay! Thank you for sharing your story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! 💚 I’m also praying for you and your situation! It’s so sad that the law isn’t always on the side of the victim.

      Like

  49. Everything On A Plate April 17, 2019 — 4:53 am

    This was really am emotional read! Hugs to you

    Liked by 1 person

  50. I can’t believe he was granted visitation at all!! It’s terrible and I feel for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  51. I’m sorry that you have to go throughthis.. I hope that you get to receive the justice you truly deserve. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  52. As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, I completely agree with everything you’ve said. Thanks for sharing the story x

    Liked by 1 person

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