Check Ups

“As a general rule all woman should have a pelvic exam, and a women’s wellness exam once per year”

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“I don’t know if I’m hitting something, or what but you bleed sometimes” is all I heard him say, before I started panicking. With those words my life flashed before my eyes. I know it’s shocking and I’m embarrassed to say that I haven’t had a Pap smear in over four years. Well not since I had my son in December of 2014. Pap Smears aren’t fun for anyone, but I absolutely hate them. There’s nothing more uncomfortable for me than a person I don’t want between my legs between my legs sticking foreign object inside of me. Every time I get a Pap smear or have an exam I feel violated and they always hurt me no matter who does them. The doctor is always like “relax” or “if you relax this will be over sooner”. I’m like how can I relax when my vagina is in a stranger’s face? There is nothing relaxing about that situation.

Last week after having sexual intercourse with my friend he abruptly stopped advising me that I was bleeding. He told me that this wasn’t the first time he noticed blood. I looked down at his under shirt and saw what I deemed to be a pool of blood on his shirt. 
“I don’t know if I’m hitting something, or what but you bleed sometimes” he said.
“What on earth could you possibly think your hitting” I said to myself rolling my eyes. The nerve of him.

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At that moment I just wanted him to leave so that I could be alone. I was scared, nervous and wanted to know why I was bleeding. I just thought to myself “Janay you haven’t been checked in years who knows what is wrong with you, and if it can be fixed” I thought to myself. 

My friend sat around with me for about 45 more minutes and then left. While he was still there I thought to myself we have been together for a while now, and talked about different things, but sex was not one of those things. We never established if we were friends with benefits, or something more. We never talked a discussed not using condoms, but one day we just stopped using them one day. We never discussed if this was an exclusive situation, or if we were sleeping with other people as well. I haven’t slept with anyone else in years, but I can’t say the same for him. It’s like I wanted to know, but at the same time I didn’t want to know.  
As soon as he left I started googling what blood during sex could mean. “CERVICAL CANCER” is what I read and instantly started crying. Cancer?
“Really after everything I’ve been through now I have cancer? What about my son” I thought to myself as I cried harder.
Instantly I started having cramps. The cramps were so bad I could barely stand up. I’m a hypochondriac and I had to remind myself I wasn’t cramping two minutes prior to me reading and that I may have cervical cancer. 

Monday morning at work I started googling gynecologist in my area. I called several offices who weren’t accepting new patients or who didn’t have openings until fall.
Finally I called the Capitol Women’s Health Care Clinic in Towson Maryland and was able to make an appointment for Thursday. The only problem was in order to see a female doctor I would have to wait until May so I had to accept a man. The last thing I wanted to do was see a male gynecologist, but I had no other choice. I booked an appointment to see Dr. Sapra.
Thursday I couldn’t even sit still because I was so nervous. My heart was beating so fast, and so loudly I couldn’t hear anything else. When I walked into the doctor’s office it was very clean and very clam. Everyone seem happy, but I didn’t want to be there. I checked in and was escorted to the back. The medical assistant was extremely friendly, but I was too nervous and had very few words. I explained to her I was previously diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

She told me step by step what was going to happen during my visit. She explained that before I got undressed the doctor would come and speak with me so that I wouldn’t be naked the first time I met him. That was a real relief, but I needed this visit to be over soon rather than later.
The doctor came in and introduced himself to me. We went over my medical issues, and then he explained to me again what the visit would consist of. He advised me that he would check my cervix, check my breast and give me a Pap smear. He would also run a test for any STIs and give me my options for birth control. I have never taken birth control before so that made me extremely nervous. 
“Ok let’s get this over with” I thought to myself. The doctor left and I undressed nervously. I sat on the bed and the doctor and the medical assistant rejoined me in the room.
As soon as the doctor started the exam I tensed up and tears started falling from my eyes. I don’t know why, but I felt sad and vulnerable. I felt scared and I didn’t want to be there, but I knew I needed to be there. 
“Are you okay do you want me to stop Janay?” Asked the doctor concerned. 
“No” I barely said above a whisper. 

“Do you want to hold my hand” asked the super cute medical assistant.
“No” I replied again.
This was something I needed to get through on my own. The medical assistant handed me a tissue to wipe my tears.
The doctor walked me through the exam step by step. Explaining everything that he was looking into, and everything he was going to do. To my surprise there was no pain associated with this exam. Yes I was extremely uncomfortable, but I was able to cope.
After the exam the doctor to me my cervix and uterus looked normal.
“Maybe he did just hit something” I joked to myself. Finally after the week of hell I was able to breathe. The doctor advised me that he collected samples to test for chlamydia, gonorrhea and other sexually transmitted infections. 

The doctor also explained my birth control options. After speaking with him I decided that starting birth control couldn’t hurt. I was given a sample of Lo Loestrine FE birth control pills and I decided I’d try them out. 

I left the doctor’s office feeling like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I would be able to get regular Pap smears and checkups. I felt better knowing that my cervix didn’t appear abnormal.
I also felt ashamed of myself. Everything could have been so much worst because I wasn’t getting regular checkups. I made a promise to myself to see a gynecologist regularly. I made a promise to myself to never left my fear make me compromise my health. I also decided to have that uncomfortable talk with my friend. Yes it is an uncomfortable talk, but it is a necessary talk if we are going to continue being sexually active. I will get a pap smear once a year. 

Even if you’re not getting a pap smear you should see you gynecologist once a year at least.

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75 thoughts on “Check Ups

  1. Pap smears terrify me every year but I know it’s one of those things that just has to be done. I felt the anxiety all over again reading this. Captivating. As woman, we are so strong!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I too hate pap smears. They are quite annoying to say the least but they need to be done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree they are annoying, but they are necessary. 💚

      Like

  3. I love all these outfits! I do make sure I get my pap smears done. I’d rather be safe than sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely it’s better to be safe than sorry I absolutely agree! 💚

      Like

  4. I hate smear tests but it’s important to always get it done as you said ! Thank you for sharing this story with us , is an eye opener for all women . Our body is another being .xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes you are so right our body is another being and it’s important we take care of it! Thank you 😊

      Like

  5. This post is so interesting, I’ve to suggest the to some of my girl firends.
    I love all these outfits! Safety first. – Paolo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes please share this post with them! Thank you 😊

      Like

  6. I always dread my Pap smear every year! It’s so uncomfortable and I always get nervous. But in the end it’s such a relief and good thing to get done. They suck, but are a must for women! Especially if you’re sexually active!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so correct they are a must for women! Especially sexually active women!

      Like

  7. What an interesting post! I really loved the outfits posted in this article. Thank you for this inspiring post.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pap smears aren’t any fun, but they are certainly necessary!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree 100% they are necessary! Thanks for reading 💚

      Like

  9. Honestly, getting a pap smear done every year is incredibly important. It’s really sad that it isn’t stressed enough, ladies take our reproductive health seriously! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I definitely agree! I really didn’t know how important until recently but I want to share my story and help other women! Thank you 💚 women’s health matters!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Reading this post reminded me I have to schedule my annual exam as well. Papsmear is so important for every woman esp. to those who wants to be pregnant like me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes Pap smears are very important for all women especially sexually active women or women who want to get pregnant! 💚

      Like

  11. So glad you wrote this and that you did so this candidly. I’m sure a lot of women go through those very same thoughts yet we never voice them, to our partners or to each other and definitely not to the world. It needs to be done and okay, and we need to put our health first!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree! We need to put out health first! It’s so important that we do so!

      Like

  12. thecoffeemom0617 March 19, 2019 — 2:09 am

    It is so important to maintain our health as women. I know so many don’t want to go to the Dr but after having kids, i no longer care about who sees me and just go get my annual checkup

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I definitely am due for one! Thank you for sharing your story! I think women’s health should be something that’s talked about more!
    -Madi xo | http://www.everydaywithmadirae.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I agree with you 100%! Women’s health is so important and needs to be talked about so much more! 💚

      Like

  14. Women have to go through so many things and be alert about health. Going through doctor check-ups is most of the times uncomfortable thing especially when the doctor is a male. It’s good to know that you are doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I feel nervous about pap smears but since I’m going into my 40s, it’s something that I need to do as well. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Whether you are a man or a woman at a certain age you have to spend a lot of time for yourself and do minimum a yearly check up

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Pap smears are always uncomfortable but hopefully one day someone will invent a different way to get this necessary test done as a means of disease prevention.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Hmm. Maybe I need to looking into advertising differently thank you.

    Like

  19. I am actually guilty as well that I haven’t visited a doctor for a pap smear. I am kinda scared and my mom told me there’s nothing to be scared.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can relate to be scared, but yearly Pap smears are so important for women in their 20s, women who want to have children and women who are sexually active. There really isn’t anything to be scared of it’s more dangerous to not get the Pap smears. Research a good gynecologist in your area. Good luck 💚

      Like

  20. You, Me and Benny March 19, 2019 — 3:31 pm

    I use Lo Loestrin FE and LOVE IT!!! That’s a good choice!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’m just starting so I hope I have a good experience as well. I’m still a little nervous.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You, Me and Benny March 19, 2019 — 3:34 pm

        I was too – I had terrible TERRIBLE periods so they put me on that and it was a miracle! Good luck with it!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I also have terrible periods so I hope this helps! Thank you 💚

        Liked by 1 person

  21. It is a woman’s least favorite thing to have done, but it is so critical to our health. Cervical cancer is a silent killer.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. That would be a rather terrifying situation to be in not knowing what was going on. I am glad you were able to get checked out and make sure everything was okay.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Girl! it’s so good you went. I had a very similar situation and I remember how scary it was.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes very scary, but I’m glad I went too! It seems like many women have had a similar experience. 💚

      Like

  24. girl, I’m so glad you went! I had a similar experience and it was terrifying.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. A very important yet overlooked topic!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do agree it’s a very important topic, but often overlooked! 💚

      Like

  26. I’m with ya! I just had to have a pap smear a few weeks ago and all i could think was another man’s fingers are in me and immediately was grossed out

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I hate it! It’s necessary but it’s so uncomfortable. I’m glad to hear that you just got one! Better safe than sorry 💚

      Like

  27. Especially as I age, I get so nervous to go in for a pap smear. I’m glad you fought your fears and got an exam!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. We just have to develop the habit of going fr frequent checkups but sadly, not every woman out there does unless things get complicated.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Neil Alvin Nicerio March 20, 2019 — 11:48 am

    I find this article really helpful. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Women’s health is definitely so important. I am guilty of not making the scheduled appointments when I should.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Women’s health is often overlooked, which is a shame since it is so important. I have not done a check up in ages!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. nobody likes getting it done or talking about it so kudos to you for speaking publically!! It is def very important for us to stay on top of our health. I was avoiding it as usual but that time came around and I finally just went and got the pap smear over with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you did have it done! 💚

      Like

  33. This is great advice as your health is so important! I need to schedule a mammogram and a wellness check!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Wow! You are so brave! How inspiring of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  35. When I got my first Pap smear I was told that I needed it every year, but when I went back the next year they said I had to wait two more years because it was changed to every three. I was very annoyed. I also need a new gynecologist. I get tested about 3 times a year. I am in a monogamous relationship, but it’s important that I get checked out. I now feel like my doctor is judging me and assumes I’m sleeping with a lot of people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yea definitely get a new doctor that you like that’s really important. I was told you need a Pap smears every three years! You need to see your gynecologist at least once a year

      Like

  36. Health is really important we should take care ourselves first and this is so inspiring to read. KUDOS!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Good thing that you’re already done with that ordeal. Health should be everyone’s top priority.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Monét Hardaway March 21, 2019 — 3:28 pm

    Maintaining routine pap smears is annoying but a definite MUST!

    Liked by 1 person

  39. I agree! We should be checked once a year. I better have mine soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. I don’t like check-ups in general because it scares me what they’ll find out. lol. I know it’s important but it can be scary.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very scary I agree! However they are also very important 💚

      Like

  41. blair villanueva March 22, 2019 — 3:02 am

    I had my Pap smear test recently and it was all good. But true, not all can afford it. The government should offer it us for free.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree! These kind of test should be available to everyone 💚

      Like

  42. delhifundos2014 March 22, 2019 — 7:00 am

    I am loving all your outfits and now comes to check ups and I am totally agree you on this it’s better to be safe than sorry

    Like

  43. This is so inspiring story and it is definitely important to take care of women’s health. I learned a lot from this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. I am a nurse with a family history of cancer. They told me I only have to be checked once every three years now and I am insisting on continuing yearly. Better safe than sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree better safe than sorry! I’m glad your being safe! 💚

      Like

  45. I agree, these test are a must for all women.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. I must say, it’s a very detailed and well researched post about checkups.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Im so lazy going to the Dr for a check up, after reading this i should make it as a priority. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Enriqueta Lemoine March 25, 2019 — 4:07 am

    I don’t like pap smears but it’s what it’s. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the importance of these periodical medical exams…..

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Oh I know what you mean I have to get it done too.. but I’m terrified 🙈

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree it’s scary, but it’s so necessary. Good luck 💚

      Liked by 1 person

  50. Very informative !!! I hope that this topic reaches to every girl out there and your outfits bate pretty amazing !!!

    Liked by 1 person

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