Abuse is not love. Abuse is about control
Domestic Violence Survivor
Jhavier was my boyfriend and we were together for two years, and we lived together. I was almost three months pregnant at the time. I sat at my laptop computer going through my emails when I came across an email from Craigslist. I opened the email and to my shock I found out that the father of my unborn child was soliciting sex online. I saw his genitals online, and read a message from a woman asking if he was still interested. My heart broke instantly, and I began to feel nauseous. I pinched myself so hard I broke my skin, but I just needed to confirm that I was awake and this was real. I just cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
I got up and started packing all of Jhavier clothes. I needed him to get out and get away from me. I hated him, and every time I thought about the ads I vomited. One hour later he was all packed up. Jhavier came into the house after his work shift and saw all his bags back and I left the laptop open to the craigslist email.
“Get out. Your nasty and I hate you” I said angry but crying so hard I could barely get my words out. To my surprise Jhavier was not apologetic at all. He began yelling about how this was all my fault. I couldn’t take it anymore I ran into my bedroom and locked the door. I was physically sick.
“You have to leave. I’m not having you stay here so I can catch something from your nasty ass” I said to him.”
Those words enraged Jhavier. He busted through the door and started choking me. I fought back the best I could trying to claw him. He let me go, and I didn’t really know what to do anymore. I really thought Jhavier might kill me that night.
“Is he really mad at me because I found out he was cheating on me while I’m pregnant” I thought to myself so confused. Now Jhavier started to cry which confused me even more.
“Jhavier please go” I pleaded with him. I just wanted him gone.
“I’m not going to go anywhere you going to hear what I have to say” he said.
“I don’t care what you have to say. You’re a nasty and I hate you” I said.
“I never cheated on you. I love you Janay, but it’s your fault that I have to talk to these other girls. I don’t care about these bitches” he said. I thought he was pathetic trying to blame me for his indiscretions.
“I don’t care I just want to leave. I’m pregnant” I yelled at the top of my lungs.
“You’re going to listen to me today. That our problem you never listen to me or take me serious. You don’t support me that’s why we are in this situation.
I didn’t listen or support him so he had to turn to craigslist. That was bullshit and we both knew it.
“You don’t listen or support my rap career. You don’t even listen to my music or take me serious at all” he said. He was right I didn’t he wasn’t anywhere close to being a Jay Z yet alone a Young Joc.
He kept yelling about how bad and unsupportive of a girlfriend I was. I finally replied “This is over. I’m not your girlfriend I’m done”.
He ran out of the bedroom and grabbed the biggest knife that we had in our kitchen and ran back into the room. I didn’t really know what he planned to do with the knife, but I could hear him crying and I could see the tears pouring down his face. He took the knife tears and all and threatened to kill himself. He was pointing the knife at his chest, but I didn’t budge and I didn’t attempt to stop him. He took the knife and cut himself three times in his chest, but they really were flesh wounds he didn’t cut himself that deep. Then he took the knife and aimed it in the middle of his chest, and raised his arms like he was planning on really stabbing his self right through the chest, and I couldn’t take anymore.
I didn’t care if he was being dramatic anymore I just wanted him to stop. The superficial wounds on his chest were bleeding. “Stop it Jhavier stop it”, I shouted. I couldn’t hold the tears back.
“You don’t care about me you want to take my child away from me for no reason. I know I need help I’ll get the help I need”, he said still crying with the knife in his hand.
“Put the knife down Jhavier”, I said.
I was trying to seem compassionate because I didn’t want Jhavier to kill himself and especially not in front of me. I was pregnant with his child I couldn’t handle this anymore. I grabbed him holding him like he was my baby and he dropped the knife. He started holding me back. He loved me and I knew that, but the love was so twisted. It wasn’t a good strong love it was a scary I’d do anything to keep you, and if I can’t have I will make your life hell type of love.
I know that I should have left Jhavier that day, but I didn’t. I couldn’t I felt horrible, and I didn’t want him to really hurt himself. I felt like he needed me, and he needed his child. I wasn’t ready to be alone yet. I forgave him, and thought to myself he didn’t sleep with any of those women from craigslist. However every woman has her breaking point. In due time I would reach mine.
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
House of Ruth Maryland
Thank you for sharing such a personal and I can imagine painful story to tell. Domestic violence is a serious issue still. I think you are brave and a beautiful soul who deserves to have someone love you unconditionally. I am so sorry you had to go through this. While I have never been in a domestic violence situation, I have been in a relationship with someone who abused me in more ways than one. And it took me a long time to get out of it. It isn’t easy to get out of. Thank you again for sharing. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you I appreciate your kind words! I know first hand that it’s not easy to leave bad relationships. Mental Abuse and Physical Abuse are not to be taken lightly. I’m so happy that you were able to get out of your situation ❤️
LikeLike
thank you for sharing your story. it is always difficult when you’re in a situation to do what you “should” do. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for years but stayed because I just couldn’t admit it to myself.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hello,
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Many people are in emotionally absuive relationships and don’t leave for many different reasons. One reason being it’s hard to walk away. That’s why I’m sharing my story hoping someone will read my words and get the strength to walk away.
LikeLike
You are a Magnificent & Strong Woman. I love you ♥️
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤️ I love you more!
LikeLike
You are a strong woman.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing such personal information. You recognize that you will reach your breaking point. Utilize your support system. If your situation hasn’t changed, I hope it’s sooner than later (for you and the baby’s sake).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! This was almost 5 years ago. I left shortly after this incident. I will make a post about it shortly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is not always lucky that we could meet someone who treasures us and treat us good. A lot of time women are in a bad relationship and being abused mentally and physically. Glad that you share out your experience and at least you wrote them out and are cleared where are the root cause. Hoping you guys are able to sort it out and have a healthy relationship.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so sorry for what happened..I understand how hard it is to leave and let go a bad relationship, I hope you find your courage and strength to do what you have to do.
Thank you for your courage by telling your story, it is really inspiring..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you and I agree with you. It’s very important for women to speak out so that other women can see their strength and get the courage to leave. Even if they don’t leave st least they will know that they aren’t alone.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks for writing and sharing your story. It’s so important to teach other women about these situations and how to handle it, to get out of these kind of relationships as soon as we see even little psychological attacks against us. Sending love!
LikeLiked by 1 person
OH girl what an awful situation. You are very strong to have made it through this! I hope you are doing very well these days. I have been in a manipulative and abusive relationship before. It was not to this degree, but I can relate to that feeling of just wanting to make it better and feeling helpless. You are very brave to share your story. It may help more people than you know, that may be able to relate and know they are not alone. Lots of love!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sending you lots of love! Thank you for sharing your story, this unfortunately is a reality for many women. I’m glad you found the strength to move forward!
-Madi xo | http://www.everydaywithmadirae.com
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh girl. THIS. You are so brave and so strong!!! My husband did quite a bit to me during our early stages and I was so mad too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing such an important and personal story. For inspiring any other person to find your own courage, to speak out loud about an even-unfortunately-widespread problem. We often talk about heroes in tights, but the real heroes of every day are the brave people like you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I really appreciate your kind words. I really hope sharing my story will help at least one woman in a similar situation.
LikeLike
I’m so glad you found the strength to leave. No one deserves to be treated harshly. There can never be a reason for it. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
oh what an awful situation. You are so brave and a strong woman. Thanks for sharing such a personal story
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope you and the baby are fine as you share the story. You have a strong person, that was a really scary moment to be caught up in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! We are fine and my baby is 4 now.
LikeLike
This is terrible! Thanks for having the courage to share. So sorry you went through what you went through
LikeLiked by 1 person
So glad you and your baby are fine now. So bold of you to share this story in this blog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am glad you were able to find the strength to leave when you did. I am also proud of you for having the courage to share with us the struggles you have undergone. 💖💖💖💖💖
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel sorry to hear your story, you are such a brave girl.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for writing out loud about abuse. This might help someone who is suffering in silence.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing your story. I understand how difficult it is to leave a bad relationship. It really is hard. And I hope this post will help all those who suffer in silence.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is very brave of you to share your story. Thank you for sharing such a personal and I can imagine painful story to tell!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are so brave to talk about this story. Remember that pain builds strength. It’s a touching story and I hope others read this and can grow stronger like yourself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. I hope I help someone with my words
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too. Keep smiling.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Blimey, that was a tough and powerful read. So honest and beautifully written.Great addition to include the helplines at the end 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think your baby daddy might be my ex-husband’s soul mate. You had to get out for you and that baby. It just gets worse from there. Take it from someone who stayed too long. Be strong girl.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It definitely seems like it only gets worst even after you leave. With court, custody and child support, but in the end I feel like we have to do what’s best for our children. However I understand the instayed too long feeling all to well.
LikeLike
Wow, that is a deep and painful story! I appreciate you sharing your story with us and I am glad you did reach a breaking point to get out. You are a strong woman!
LikeLike
Thank you 💚
LikeLike
You are a very courageous woman to be able to share your story with others. Hopefully it will help other women who may be going through the same hardships. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Big hugs to you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s always should’ve, could’ve, would’ve in life. I’m so sorry you had to go through that 💔. I also really glad he didn’t turn the knife on you and your baby. That could have been much worse.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m thankful he didn’t do that everyday!
LikeLike
I could not even imagine what I would do if I found out that my significant other was doing something like this. I know that my heart would be shattering that’s for sure. This is such an open and honest post and I am happy that this is an outlet that you can use for support.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Feel sorry for you . You are brave girl, yes abuse should not be tolerated, it is not going to end but it is going to continue, so get out of those toxic relationship.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So sorry this happened to you! Sharing your story could help someone else, it’s so brave of you to do!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Domestic violence is no joke— worse when it’s coming from a manipulator. Glad you’re free.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a sick man, I hope you are well away from him now and don’t have any contact with him. He needs to be in a mental hospital.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Its very sad you had to go through this..I hope you all are good now..You have such a big heart, you forgave him….Thank you for sharing your story..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such an awful thing to go through. I can’t imagine how scary that must have been, I have been in a relationship with a very manipulative man before, although it never got to that extent. But I know what it’s like to be angry and devastated one minute and then scared and worried about their safety the next. It takes a lot of courage to share a story like this, so keep going and keep that strength!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 💚
LikeLike
Oh Jaynay, I just want to give you a big hug right now. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I hate that he made it seem like it’s your fault – when it’s not. He’s toxic! Thank you for sharing this with us, you’re such a brave soul.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for reading 💚
LikeLike
youre so brave to share your journey!!! and your stories!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I definitely think that being able to talk about what happened is empowering & healing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow , you had me hooked from the first paragraph. Is this your personal story? (I am a huge advocate for people sharing their personal stories). If it is, thank you so much for sharing. You have done it in such a powerful way, and I look forward to reading more from you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes this is a personal story! I hope by sharing my story I can help other women.
LikeLike
I honestly had chill bumps while reading this. You are so strong for sharing this online. I can’t imagine how scary this was for you. I hope life is going well for you & your baby, and that your story helps other women. Thank you for speaking up!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for reading! I can only hope sharing my story will help other women! 💚💚
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing your story. You are a very strong person to survive and make those tough decisions. Best wishes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sorry you had to go through this and hope you’re doing fine now. This post is very personal and I salute you for being so brave to have overcome that experience and posting it eventually.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m praying for a better life for you and your kid.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So sorry you went through this, sending love and light your way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing your story. A lot of people go through this same thing, but feel alone. Your story may be helping so many others that feel the same way. Sending all positive vibes your way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
The best thing is you stood up for yourself. Many are unable to do that. Stay blessed girl!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It takes a lot of courage to publicly share a survival story as you never know what the reactions and responses of people will be. It shows how far you have come and how much work you are doing to heal completely from the scars left in the heart and mind.
I’m not sure what I would have done in such situations– I think I would have frozen and only regained consciousness after great harm had been done.
I salute your bravery and strength to stand all of that and pull through it. I hope you are better?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for reading! I’m sharing my stories to help women in similar situations! 💚
LikeLike
I saw so many of Jahvier’s characteristics in my ex–from deflecting and saying something was my fault instead of taking ownership to threatening suicide, sometimes without words. It’s all a form of manipulation, and you are much better off without someone like that. *Hugs*
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 💚
LikeLike
Must say you are so strong by heart to share this incidences. Domestic violence have deep impact on mind and soul of the sufferer and the victims. It leaves a scars on small children ‘s mind. Better is to step out of such relationship. Glad you did that and your kid is safe with you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 💚
LikeLike
Sorry that you had to go through all that but glad that you found it. Nice to see that you have moved on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing your very painful story. There is so much manipulation that goes on with an abusive person – it’s difficult to wrap your thoughts around what is real and not real. Plus you have to be your own best resource in a time when you are the most vulnerable. You truly are amazing and again, thank you for sharing your story, as I hope it helps others caught in this difficult situation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 💚
LikeLike