Abuse is not love. Abuse is about control
Domestic Violence Survivor
Jhavier was my boyfriend and we were together for two years, and we lived together. I was almost three months pregnant at the time. I sat at my laptop computer going through my emails when I came across an email from Craigslist. I opened the email and to my shock I found out that the father of my unborn child was soliciting sex online. I saw his genitals online, and read a message from a woman asking if he was still interested. My heart broke instantly, and I began to feel nauseous. I pinched myself so hard I broke my skin, but I just needed to confirm that I was awake and this was real. I just cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
I got up and started packing all of Jhavier clothes. I needed him to get out and get away from me. I hated him, and every time I thought about the ads I vomited. One hour later he was all packed up. Jhavier came into the house after his work shift and saw all his bags back and I left the laptop open to the craigslist email.
“Get out. Your nasty and I hate you” I said angry but crying so hard I could barely get my words out. To my surprise Jhavier was not apologetic at all. He began yelling about how this was all my fault. I couldn’t take it anymore I ran into my bedroom and locked the door. I was physically sick.
“You have to leave. I’m not having you stay here so I can catch something from your nasty ass” I said to him.”
Those words enraged Jhavier. He busted through the door and started choking me. I fought back the best I could trying to claw him. He let me go, and I didn’t really know what to do anymore. I really thought Jhavier might kill me that night.
“Is he really mad at me because I found out he was cheating on me while I’m pregnant” I thought to myself so confused. Now Jhavier started to cry which confused me even more.
“Jhavier please go” I pleaded with him. I just wanted him gone.
“I’m not going to go anywhere you going to hear what I have to say” he said.
“I don’t care what you have to say. You’re a nasty and I hate you” I said.
“I never cheated on you. I love you Janay, but it’s your fault that I have to talk to these other girls. I don’t care about these bitches” he said. I thought he was pathetic trying to blame me for his indiscretions.
“I don’t care I just want to leave. I’m pregnant” I yelled at the top of my lungs.
“You’re going to listen to me today. That our problem you never listen to me or take me serious. You don’t support me that’s why we are in this situation.
I didn’t listen or support him so he had to turn to craigslist. That was bullshit and we both knew it.
“You don’t listen or support my rap career. You don’t even listen to my music or take me serious at all” he said. He was right I didn’t he wasn’t anywhere close to being a Jay Z yet alone a Young Joc.
He kept yelling about how bad and unsupportive of a girlfriend I was. I finally replied “This is over. I’m not your girlfriend I’m done”.
He ran out of the bedroom and grabbed the biggest knife that we had in our kitchen and ran back into the room. I didn’t really know what he planned to do with the knife, but I could hear him crying and I could see the tears pouring down his face. He took the knife tears and all and threatened to kill himself. He was pointing the knife at his chest, but I didn’t budge and I didn’t attempt to stop him. He took the knife and cut himself three times in his chest, but they really were flesh wounds he didn’t cut himself that deep. Then he took the knife and aimed it in the middle of his chest, and raised his arms like he was planning on really stabbing his self right through the chest, and I couldn’t take anymore.
I didn’t care if he was being dramatic anymore I just wanted him to stop. The superficial wounds on his chest were bleeding. “Stop it Jhavier stop it”, I shouted. I couldn’t hold the tears back.
“You don’t care about me you want to take my child away from me for no reason. I know I need help I’ll get the help I need”, he said still crying with the knife in his hand.
“Put the knife down Jhavier”, I said.
I was trying to seem compassionate because I didn’t want Jhavier to kill himself and especially not in front of me. I was pregnant with his child I couldn’t handle this anymore. I grabbed him holding him like he was my baby and he dropped the knife. He started holding me back. He loved me and I knew that, but the love was so twisted. It wasn’t a good strong love it was a scary I’d do anything to keep you, and if I can’t have I will make your life hell type of love.
I know that I should have left Jhavier that day, but I didn’t. I couldn’t I felt horrible, and I didn’t want him to really hurt himself. I felt like he needed me, and he needed his child. I wasn’t ready to be alone yet. I forgave him, and thought to myself he didn’t sleep with any of those women from craigslist. However every woman has her breaking point. In due time I would reach mine.
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
House of Ruth Maryland
Thank you for sharing such a personal and I can imagine painful story to tell. Domestic violence is a serious issue still. I think you are brave and a beautiful soul who deserves to have someone love you unconditionally. I am so sorry you had to go through this. While I have never been in a domestic violence situation, I have been in a relationship with someone who abused me in more ways than one. And it took me a long time to get out of it. It isn’t easy to get out of. Thank you again for sharing. ❤
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Thank you I appreciate your kind words! I know first hand that it’s not easy to leave bad relationships. Mental Abuse and Physical Abuse are not to be taken lightly. I’m so happy that you were able to get out of your situation ❤️
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thank you for sharing your story. it is always difficult when you’re in a situation to do what you “should” do. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for years but stayed because I just couldn’t admit it to myself.
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Hello,
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Many people are in emotionally absuive relationships and don’t leave for many different reasons. One reason being it’s hard to walk away. That’s why I’m sharing my story hoping someone will read my words and get the strength to walk away.
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You are a Magnificent & Strong Woman. I love you ♥️
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❤️ I love you more!
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You are a strong woman.
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Thanks for sharing such personal information. You recognize that you will reach your breaking point. Utilize your support system. If your situation hasn’t changed, I hope it’s sooner than later (for you and the baby’s sake).
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Thank you! This was almost 5 years ago. I left shortly after this incident. I will make a post about it shortly.
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It is not always lucky that we could meet someone who treasures us and treat us good. A lot of time women are in a bad relationship and being abused mentally and physically. Glad that you share out your experience and at least you wrote them out and are cleared where are the root cause. Hoping you guys are able to sort it out and have a healthy relationship.
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I am so sorry for what happened..I understand how hard it is to leave and let go a bad relationship, I hope you find your courage and strength to do what you have to do.
Thank you for your courage by telling your story, it is really inspiring..
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Thank you and I agree with you. It’s very important for women to speak out so that other women can see their strength and get the courage to leave. Even if they don’t leave st least they will know that they aren’t alone.
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Thanks for writing and sharing your story. It’s so important to teach other women about these situations and how to handle it, to get out of these kind of relationships as soon as we see even little psychological attacks against us. Sending love!
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OH girl what an awful situation. You are very strong to have made it through this! I hope you are doing very well these days. I have been in a manipulative and abusive relationship before. It was not to this degree, but I can relate to that feeling of just wanting to make it better and feeling helpless. You are very brave to share your story. It may help more people than you know, that may be able to relate and know they are not alone. Lots of love!
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Sending you lots of love! Thank you for sharing your story, this unfortunately is a reality for many women. I’m glad you found the strength to move forward!
-Madi xo | http://www.everydaywithmadirae.com
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Oh girl. THIS. You are so brave and so strong!!! My husband did quite a bit to me during our early stages and I was so mad too.
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Thank you for sharing such an important and personal story. For inspiring any other person to find your own courage, to speak out loud about an even-unfortunately-widespread problem. We often talk about heroes in tights, but the real heroes of every day are the brave people like you.
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Thank you! I really appreciate your kind words. I really hope sharing my story will help at least one woman in a similar situation.
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I’m so glad you found the strength to leave. No one deserves to be treated harshly. There can never be a reason for it. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this.
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oh what an awful situation. You are so brave and a strong woman. Thanks for sharing such a personal story
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I hope you and the baby are fine as you share the story. You have a strong person, that was a really scary moment to be caught up in.
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Thank you! We are fine and my baby is 4 now.
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This is terrible! Thanks for having the courage to share. So sorry you went through what you went through
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So glad you and your baby are fine now. So bold of you to share this story in this blog.
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I am glad you were able to find the strength to leave when you did. I am also proud of you for having the courage to share with us the struggles you have undergone. 💖💖💖💖💖
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I feel sorry to hear your story, you are such a brave girl.
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Thanks for writing out loud about abuse. This might help someone who is suffering in silence.
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Thank you for sharing your story. I understand how difficult it is to leave a bad relationship. It really is hard. And I hope this post will help all those who suffer in silence.
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This is very brave of you to share your story. Thank you for sharing such a personal and I can imagine painful story to tell!
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You are so brave to talk about this story. Remember that pain builds strength. It’s a touching story and I hope others read this and can grow stronger like yourself.
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Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. I hope I help someone with my words
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Me too. Keep smiling.
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Blimey, that was a tough and powerful read. So honest and beautifully written.Great addition to include the helplines at the end 🙂
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I think your baby daddy might be my ex-husband’s soul mate. You had to get out for you and that baby. It just gets worse from there. Take it from someone who stayed too long. Be strong girl.
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It definitely seems like it only gets worst even after you leave. With court, custody and child support, but in the end I feel like we have to do what’s best for our children. However I understand the instayed too long feeling all to well.
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Wow, that is a deep and painful story! I appreciate you sharing your story with us and I am glad you did reach a breaking point to get out. You are a strong woman!
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Thank you 💚
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You are a very courageous woman to be able to share your story with others. Hopefully it will help other women who may be going through the same hardships. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Big hugs to you!
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There’s always should’ve, could’ve, would’ve in life. I’m so sorry you had to go through that 💔. I also really glad he didn’t turn the knife on you and your baby. That could have been much worse.
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I’m thankful he didn’t do that everyday!
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I could not even imagine what I would do if I found out that my significant other was doing something like this. I know that my heart would be shattering that’s for sure. This is such an open and honest post and I am happy that this is an outlet that you can use for support.
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Feel sorry for you . You are brave girl, yes abuse should not be tolerated, it is not going to end but it is going to continue, so get out of those toxic relationship.
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So sorry this happened to you! Sharing your story could help someone else, it’s so brave of you to do!
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