Sometimes, you need to step outside, get some air and remind yourself who you are and who you want to be..Unknown
As I sent at my desk of my regular 9-5 I started thinking to myself Janay you should be happy.
“Why should I be happy” I asked myself.
“Because your not homeless. Your relatively healthy, you have a job, and can pay most of your bills” I answered myself.
“Not homeless is a far stretch from living life in my Beverly Hills home. Relatively healthy is not healthy and let’s not even talk about bills” I answer myself striking down every positive thought I tried to have.
“At least you have a son that loves you” I thought to myself trying to remain positive.
“Yes he loves you, but meanwhile your stuck in a never ending custody battle. All your friends are happily getting married or already married and having children. Their children are being birthed into complete happy homes” I rebutdtaled once again striking down all the positive thoughts I tried to have.
The negative thoughts won that round. I just paused and went back to work.
A few days later I found myself mindlessly scrolling through social media while at work, and all of a sudden my negative thoughts came back.
“Why can’t I vacation every month” I asked myself.
“Oh really they’re back on her arguing in the comments” I thought.
That’s when it all clicked I needed to take a break and unplug. Yes I was happy for my friends and family and their accomplishments, but I was forgetting how to be happy for myself. Seeing the constant bickering on social media was also starting to ware on my psyche. I was no longer living my life, instead I was living to see others lives. I was living to scroll and scrolling to live. I was addicted to social media and that was only making my depression and anxiety worst.
I decided to take a three month break from Facebook. I decided to live my life everyday for me and not for likes. I decided that I could no longer compare myself to my high school counterparts that I had not talked to in years. I decided that I could no longer compare myself to anyone, and I would live life at my own pace. No more scrolling and seeing a marriage announcement and feeling like I needed to be married right then and there. I would be married when the time was right. No longer seeing couples post their relationship goals and feeling like if I wasn’t in love at that moment I would never find love. I took the time away to realize what is meant for me will be for me, and I need to be satisfied with myself.
Three months turned into six months and I was no longer waking up in the middle of the night to see if my new pictures received one million likes yet. All of a sudden the positive side of my brain was the prominent side of my mind. I could no longer give into negative degrading thoughts.
I also started going to yoga and Zumba classes. I joined my local gym and started living my life offline. I found that I was much happier.
I’m still working on my bachelors degree in paralegal studies and I will be graduating Winter if 2020. I have relearned to love my life flaws and all.
If you have found yourself in a rut maybe unplugging and temporarily removing yourself from social media can help. If social media isn’t your problem maybe finding out your triggers and removing them just for a small period of time will help.
Loving yourself can be hard at times, but we all have to remember that living yourself is very important! 💚