Unplugged

Sometimes, you need to step outside, get some air and remind yourself who you are and who you want to be..

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As I sent at my desk of my regular 9-5 I started thinking to myself Janay you should be happy. 

“Why should I be happy” I asked myself.

“Because your not homeless. Your relatively healthy, you have a job, and can pay most of your bills” I answered myself. 

“Not homeless is a far stretch from living life in my Beverly Hills home. Relatively healthy is not healthy and let’s not even talk about bills” I answer myself striking down every positive thought I tried to have. 

“At least you have a son that loves you” I thought to myself trying to remain positive.

“Yes he loves you, but meanwhile your stuck in a never ending custody battle. All your friends are happily getting married or already married and having children. Their children are being birthed into complete happy homes” I rebutdtaled once again striking down all the positive thoughts I tried to have. 

The negative thoughts won that round. I just paused and went back to work.

A few days later I found myself mindlessly scrolling through social media while at work, and all of a sudden my negative thoughts came back. 

“Why can’t I vacation every month” I asked myself. 

“Oh really they’re back on her arguing in the comments” I thought.

That’s when it all clicked I needed to take a break and unplug. Yes I was happy for my friends and family and their accomplishments, but I was forgetting how to be happy for myself. Seeing the constant bickering on social media was also starting to ware on my psyche. I was no longer living my life, instead I was living to see others lives. I was living to scroll and scrolling to live. I was addicted to social media and that was only making my depression and anxiety worst. 

I decided to take a three month break from Facebook. I decided to live my life everyday for me and not for likes. I decided that I could no longer compare myself to my high school counterparts that I had not talked to in years. I decided that I could no longer compare myself to anyone, and I would live life at my own pace. No more scrolling and seeing a marriage announcement and feeling like I needed to be married right then and there. I would be married when the time was right. No longer seeing couples post their relationship goals and feeling like if I wasn’t in love at that moment I would never find love. I took the time away to realize what is meant for me will be for me, and I need to be satisfied with myself. 

Three months turned into six months and I was no longer waking up in the middle of the night to see if my new pictures received one million likes yet. All of a sudden the positive side of my brain was the prominent side of my mind. I could no longer give into negative degrading thoughts. 

I also started going to yoga and Zumba classes. I joined my local gym and started living my life offline. I found that I was much happier.

I’m still working on my bachelors degree in paralegal studies and I will be graduating Winter if 2020. I have relearned to love my life flaws and all.

If you have found yourself in a rut maybe unplugging and temporarily removing yourself from social media can help. If social media isn’t your problem maybe finding out your triggers and removing them just for a small period of time will help. 

Loving yourself can be hard at times, but we all have to remember that living yourself is very important!  💚

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7 thoughts on “Unplugged

  1. So relatable I constantly find myself comparing my life to those of my friends. Who are living on their own with their boyfriends or fiancés. While I’m still at home and single. But now I’m a lot happier because I finally have time to work on me. The right person will come in due time.

    Like

  2. great post. everything i read by you has been so real and so honest and i can really relate. honestly my friends and family don’t understand my depression or my anxiety you however understand. I can tell that through your writing. there is so much emotion in your writing. Thank you for relating to a girl like me. there are so many other people out here going through what we go through. thank you for speaking about it out loud. your so brave.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. laughlovelivelearnblog March 9, 2019 — 12:12 am

    Best of luck with completing your degree! If anyone can do it, it’s you. You are a strong individual.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It hard not to get down on ourselves at times, but our children can be the inspiration to keep our heads up and keep going!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Such a great post. When I start feeling sorry for myself I like to step back and take a look at all I have to be grateful for. There is always a bright side if you look for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Webb of Learning April 5, 2019 — 3:01 am

    I love this. I need to take a step back from social media and just enjoy life. Thank you for the reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

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